Surviving The Death of a Child

Huge apologies to those of you who have been checking for new entries to my blog since September 11th. So sorry to make you wait this long. I'm still here. I've just been caught up meeting other life demands.

As the whirlwind activity resulting from my initial book release last March (and the subsequent travel for media and book signings and HOT, humid summer that was part of it all), finally began to settle down, I found myself a bit spent and needing time to catch up on other life stuff that had been put aside out of publication/promotion necessity.

(Note to would-be authors: You need to know that marketing and promotion before and after publication is a big part of your job, too. Unless you're a celebrity or have already sold millions of books (think Harry Potter), self promotion is a huge piece of the publishing pie. Don't say I didn't warn you)!

My renewed focus on restoring life balance includes spending less time checking my book sales on amazon.com and more time on my grief work over the death of my son.

(Note to publisher: Rest assured that I will continue to take advantage of every single opportunity to spread the word about my important book, as I have so far in this exciting book-author process!).

Now that Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations has taken its rightful, solid place out in the publishing world, and I have fulfilled a huge promise to my son to see this uplifting resource in print, I feel like I can finally breathe again.

Since Eric's death in 2003 at age 12, my days and nights have been filled with book project demands, leaving little time to mourn, something that eventually catches up with you no matter how hard you try to outrun it or deny it. Grief is a complex, grinch of a subject and not for the faint of heart. It must be honored and respected. Like the confident blond, blue-eyed beauty at the school dance, grief refuses to be ignored. It is powerful stuff.

In the pages of Breakthrough Parenting, I share several emotional, inspiring moments from Eric's life and death, in the hope that these words will help other children and families facing similar challenges lead better lives. But these past few weeks, I have been taking some much-needed time to mourn privately. The healing is slow, unpredictable, unnerving and at times, exhausting. I now understand why parents never really get over the death of their child.

The big challenge is to learn from your loss, grow from it, and then figure out how to reclaim a new life for yourself, one that does not include your child's daily physical presence and demands. The prior demands of special needs, and all that entails, help complicate grief work, magnifying the intensity of your loss.

These are tough issues of loss and reintegration that I continue to explore in my own life as I prepare for what's next?. It is no easy feat to reclaim your heart and soul and life purpose when your world has been ripped apart in such an unsettling and dramatic way. The death of a child cuts deeply and the wound still throbs daily. My best guess is that such a horrific wound never really fully heals. I'm just learning not to pick away too deeply at the fragile scab every day.

As I have traveled on this bittersweet grief journey, I have uncovered some wonderful, healing tools. As promised in the past, when I discover a particularly valuable resource, I will share it with you. That is the case with the book How to Survive the Loss of a Child: Filling the Emptiness and Rebuilding Your Life by Catherine Sanders, Ph.D. (Three Rivers Press-Random House Publishers).

Since my son's death, I have accessed many different books on the subject of grief, many have been of comfort. I have shared several of those in my book in the chapter addressing the death of a child. But no resource about how to face this terrible loss has comforted me more that Catherine Sanders book. While my grief is not as intense as it once was, this is the resource I refer to time and again.

Sanders knows the loss territory well. She, too, lost a child in a dramatic and unexpected fashion. It took her ten years before she was finally ready to address that grief fully. Sanders shares her remarkable wisdom, and her own painful journey, in a way that offers hope, inspiration and solace to others facing the cruelest life loss.

To those who are struggling with the loss of a child, Sanders gentle wisdom and professional expertise on grief proves healing and comforting. She makes a wonderful life guide, and serves as a life-saving buoy in the rough currents of grief.

My hope as you face your own loss is that you will be gentle with yourself and seek out whatever support you need. Such wise, bold actions will help you heal. This is no time to be brave or retreat into isolation or over scheduling that keeps you from your important grief work. I know.

Also be sure to check out Compassionate Friends, a wonderful online resource for those facing the loss of a child. www.compassionatefriends.org. There, you will find much to help you walk this rocky path well.

I wish you peace...

JudyWinter.com

Remembering September 11th

Five years ago our nation lost what little was left of its innocence. Wives lost husbands, husbands lost wives, parents lost children, children lost moms and dads and grandparents, aunts and uncles. The magnitude of the loss is great on so many levels. It is difficult to put into words, even for a writer used to writing about tough life stuff like death and trauma. We all lost something precious on that day.

As the twin towers crashed to the earth that terrible day in NYC, we watched history unfold in horror and disbelief. I remember thinking that up until that event my worst nightmare as a mother was wondering if someone would manage to get my son and his wheelchair out of the building to safety in the event of another tragic school shooting. That was, and still is today, a real concern today for many families, another unfathomable horror, one born on American shores.

But the increasingly thin line that now separates sane acts from the horrific crossed over to a whole new degree on 9/11. None of us will ever again be quite so lighthearted, so seemingly invincible, not even in our laziest moments of slumber. You don't get over such senseless, hate-filled acts ever. Somehow we do adjust, rewiring our wounded psyches and hearts and egos enough to continue about our daily lives in the best way that we can, given the ever-present and often unseen enemy. At times, it feels like we are all actors in a dark play, trying to pretend that everything around us is normal, a world filled only with beauty and wonder and people chasing big American dreams. But the world is no longer that innocent, and neither are we. And we never again will be. When will we wake up to that reality?

Now more than ever, it is crucial that our acts of goodness, kindness, tolerace and acceptance of differences build up steam and momentum; we must not retreat from being humane, from fighting hatred and injustice. We need to challenge our young people to better understand the critical role they play in impacting the world in more positive ways, in building the nation's future foundation, one that has nothing to do with fame and celebrity and materialism and self gratification, Nick and Jessica, or overpriced designer handbags.

We can start our work right now by being better models for our kids, fully present in their lives, teaching them the skills they need in order to make a difference in this crazy world, teaching them to give back to others and to model respect and tolerance for the value of the many world cultures that co exist with ours, including on our own shores. By helping empower our youth to understand that they CAN be part of the solution to such world madness, we offer the world, and ourselves, hope for a better future. We can't put this world back on course for very long without them. It is their inheritance.

While the media clearly feeds our belief that the world is indeed a frightening place with danger lurking around every single corner, the reality is that there is much good in the world. We just don't run tag lines across the bottom on CNN non stop for such acts. But there are people risking their lives every day for our freedom, neighbors watching out for neighbors, parents helping the most challenged children have better lives, adults becoming mentors. Trees still stand, flowers still bloom, cats still purr, children still laugh, the seasons still change, the surf still pounds the shoreline. We still go on, day by day. Wounded, limping at times, still holding our heads high, boldly, even menacing at times to others. We are a tough, kind hearted bunch.

Terrorists did not kill our spirit, our resolve, our fight, our heart, our democracy on September 11th, 2001. Did they make us take notice? Without a doubt. Did they take the wind out of our sails? Perhaps for a bit. But evil can never truly triumph over good. And the actions of a few cannot compete fully with the commitment of the masses to love, move forward and take care of one another. Hated is a powerful weapon. Love is more powerful.

As a nation we do need to awaken, to check our arrogance. We have a bad habit of forgetting the trials of the rest of the world as we enjoy the freedom and materialism our country affords. We behave as if we are superior to all others on planet earth. We're not. We are all human, too, with human failings and free will, regardless of the constraints placed upon us. We have much work to do on our own shores to make the world a better place. Each one of us should take the time to do a gut check on ourselves- how are we spending our gifts, talents, resources? Do we take time to pay attention to what's going on in the world- to help make a difference in our own hurting backyards? Are we rasing our children to be good citizens who give back?

September 11th reminded us that we are all human and we do depend upon one another to survive in some way. No one is immune to suffering, to loss, to trauma. The scale of this event makes it tougher to ignore those facts, as it should.

Today, a call has gone out for a moment of silence and reflection, a time to remember those whose lives were cut short in this unspeakable act of hatred and senseless violence. I believe we should take time for silence every single day to see where we are in our own lives and see where we are headed with our personal decisions and actions. We need to examine how we each own a part of the solution to peace and acceptance that this world so desperately needs. When will we finally figure out that the time for real action is now?

So while the strains of the National Anthem and God Bless America are repeated over and over today, I hope you take the time to really listen, to think about what this word and music really means and feel it, don't just listen casually as you return emails, run the kids to soccer practice, cook dinner or feed the cat. September 11th really happened, and we cannot forget what that means to all of us or to our children's futures.

One person can make a difference, for good or evil. I have seen it time and again. The only thing that stops real freedom and allows evil to triumph, even if only for a few seconds, is our inaction, our laziness, our self centeredness. We can andmust make better decisions. It's time for us to make some tough personal choices that impact our nation and our world in more positive ways, for the sake of our children.

The world needs healing and we can choose to be part of the necessary healing. I hope that you choose well.

God bless America, and every single one of us, too.

www.JudyWinter.com

Walking Free

I believe strongly that one of the greatest gifts that any family can give their children, especially those with special needs, is the gift of a healthy mom and dad with good coping skills. And that comes from pursuing fitness on a regular basis.

I know how tough it can be to fit such activities into your busy, overscheduled and challenging lives. I also know the benefits outweigh any excuses you can conjure up not to do it. Parenting a child with a disabilty can feel like running a marathon without the proper training- the stressses are far too real, sometimes intense, and they take a toll on your body, mind and soul. That makes you at increased risk for burn out, something regular fitness can help prevent. I know.

Throughout my son's short life, we worked hard to stay physically fit, and we included Eric in that fitness plan to ensure that our lack of childcare or the ability to get to a gym (or afford one) did not interfer with our good intentions. It was worth every ounce of effort.

Physical fitness can save your life in more ways than one.

To further inspire you, I am sharing a piece I wrote about the value of physical fitness and parenting a child with special needs a few years ago before Eric's death in 2003 at age 12. To learn more about Eric, visit JudyWinter.com or get my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations.

Now read on, then get your own bodies moving!

WALKING FREE

It was the kind of cold and snowy Midwestern morning when personal motivation is tough to come by. As I burrowed deeply into a cozy cocoon of toasty blankets, my fat Siamese cat purred contentedly at my feet. I echoed her gentle sigh of complete contentment. In this perfect life moment, I harbored no desire to get out of bed, lace up my shoes and go walking. Nada. Zip. None.

Still, I released a loud groan of acceptance and propelled my body over the edge of the bed anyway, then sat wiping heavy winter sleep from my eyes. My furry friend blinked at me sleepily as only cats can do, enticing me back to bed. The only thing that prevented me from diving back under those still warm covers was knowing that I couldn’t disappoint my walking buddy. We’d covered too much important ground together.

My walking partner is my ten-year-old son, Eric, who has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair. His spotless Nike shoes have never met pavement. But his disability doesn’t prevent us from meeting our family’s fitness goals together. Eric loves taking daily walks and running with his father. Our son has accepted the important role of fitness coach,coaxing us up steep hills and encouraging us to challenge our pace. In an interesting role reversal, Eric has become the taskmaster!

On this particular November morning, Eric and I cautiously tested the slippery pavement at the beginning of our familiar four-mile course. The frosty air quickly painted his cheeks and gentle snowflakes tickled his nose, causing him to giggle. As Eric breathed in the clear, crisp air that helps improve his health, my body and soul began healing, too.

In 1990, Eric’s traumatic birth dramatically altered the predictable course of our lives. My husband had run several marathons, including Pike’s Peak in Colorado. I’d embraced walking, a fitness activity with its roots deep in my childhood.

As a young girl,I’d felt elation whenever my shoes hit the deserted country roads filled with stones and gravel. The healing sounds of birds and the laughter of children playing hide and seek in tall cornfields nearby, captivated me. I can still hear the loud, crunching sound of pebbles as they lodged in the well-worn tread of my tennis shoes. I savored sweet berries from roadside bushes, and carefully put my hand through a barbed wire fence to pet the wild horse and donkey that I strongly believed had been denied any real freedom.

Even as a child, I loved to champion the cause of others, especially the apparent underdog, including animals.

During those long, leisurely walks, I treasured both solitude and personal freedom. I was hooked on walking. It was a simpler time in my life. As the years went by, walking helped me sort through teenage angst and survive the traumatic breakup of my first true love. As I increased my mileage, I dreamed of exotic lands that I would one day visit. The more ground I covered, the bigger my dreams became.

I had no idea how such simple acts would prepare me for my future challenges.

In the months following Eric’s birth, the reality of his disability sank in slowly. His life-threatening illnesses and repeat hospitalizations proved exhausting. I was at risk of losing perspective. So as in childhood, I hit the pavement to escape my tremendous responsibilities and reclaim my sanity, if only briefly. Walking allowed me to return home and boldly face the next parenting challenge. Without its enormous benefits, I could not meet the daily physical, emotional, and spiritual demands required to parent both my children well. Such a simple act resulted in lasting benefits.

Walking has become my friend, my confidant and my counselor. It’s allowed me to raise my son more normally, in light of his disability, improving the lives of everyone in our family. The first time my husband and I took a walk with Eric, his heightened sensitivity to light, sound and cold forced us to return home. But those first important steps represented a new beginning. We continued to walk, losing pounds and relieving stress, while regaining valuable perspective and enjoying priceless family moments.

Walking has given our son an increased sense of belonging.

Today, Eric is a local celebrity and serves as an example that fitness is important for everyone, including the disabled. After seeing my son in his special-need’s jogger that allows him to move more easily through snow and sand and rough terrain, people feel freer to approach us and ask about Eric’s needs. As a family, we’ve participated in several races, including the annual eight-mile walk around Mackinac Island, a heavenly family oasis free of motor vehicles located in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula.

It was there that Eric proudly received his first medal, the only person in more than one thousand entrants to enjoy the beauty of the Island race from a wheelchair. As we placed the medal around his neck, Eric beamed, sharing the enchanting smile that has stolen many hearts during the past decade.

There were times when it would have been easier for us to stay indoors, hiding our son and our fate from the world. We could easily have sacrificed our health and become a family in crisis, overweight and overwhelmed, even self medicating by using any number of potentially addicting and dangerous drugs of choice, including food, alcohol or worse. We have always refused to take that road, yet I now hold a greater understanding and sensitivity of how someone can make such choices to cope...

By choosing to include Eric in our fitness plans, we’ve claimed a richer, healthier existence, one that has helped heal our once grieving hearts. During those walks, everything about our life seems more normal. Such priceless gifts allow me to drag my still sleepy self out of bed on a cold, snowy Midwestern morning, while my lazy cat purrs loudly, enticing me back to bed.

ADHD & Yoga

I understand far too well the excessive time demands that face most families of children with special needs. So I'm committed to doing my best to bring to your attention any timely, helpful and promising information that I run across regarding treatment options for a wide range of disabilities.

Here's one brief sample.

This week, I discovered an interesting blurb in YOGA JOURNAL (Yogajournal.com). I admit that I love yoga and have practiced it on/off for many years (before it was cool to do so), but I'll save that journey for another day's blog... The information that I uncovered this week is worth sharing with those of you who face the daily challenges of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/ADHD.

Written by Jenny Andrews, the piece reports that a 2006 German study found that kids taking drugs for ADHD may benefit significantly from yoga practice. These gains include helping children to develop increased powers of concentration- an important consideration with another school year just beginning. In my book, anything that may help children with special needs achieve greater educational/life success is worthy of further investigation.

I believe that yoga practice can be beneficial for a wide range of special needs, but I also believe that each individual needs to do their own research and decide if a particular resource option is right for their own child and family. To learn more about the benefits of yoga and ADHD, visit www.chadd.org-- and be sure to let me know what you think by emailing me at JudyWinter.com. Here's the link to the Andrews article: Yoga and ADHD.

I never get tired of hearing your success stories... they fuel me on.

Namaste.

Judy Winter

Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations

Winter Ramblings Blog

Josh Blue Rocks!

One more quick entry today!

I just can't go another day without extending my big congratulations to Josh Blue, the talented, very funny comedian who recently won the title of Last Comic Standing on the popular television program on NBC!

John happens to have cerebral palsy, but any concerns I had about his receiving nothing more than the pity vote quickly disappeared as the seasoned comic took to the stage week after week with material worthy of a pro. Josh captured the loyalty of the audiences both in studio and at home while skillfully using his disability in his act without coming off as self deprecating.

As a skilled comic (and he is a comic first) Josh had no intention of focusing on using his cerebral palsy to capture the pity vote; he was using his tremendous talent as a comic to win this thing. And while so many comics today seem to believe they must use profanity and address even the most vile subjects, (some better left to late late night routines), Blue's comedy was cutting edge without being offensive, allowing families to watch a feel good story together without concerns about personal embarrassment, censorship or a v chip. Josh Blue won it all by just being incredibly funny, not profane. How refreshing in every single way.

Did I mention that Josh's parents were in the audience each week, with pride and love clearly evident on their faces? I have no doubt that their parenting played a key role in Josh's success and I hope that now that he has been catapulted to tv stardom, we will hear more about his life growing up with a disability.

Congrats to the entire Blue family, and to the cool viewers who wisely looked beyond one man's disability to vote for the best comedian!

What a terrific example this story is for all those with special needs, and their families, especially as the new school year begins-- and I felt you should know about it! Against tough odds, Josh Blue won Last Comic Standing. Now what talents will you nuture in your child this year?? Begin today!

Check out Josh Blue at JoshBlue.com-- and more about me at JudyWinter.com!

Back to School!

Ah, the joys of facing a brand new school year!! Unstained clothing, fresh haircuts, over-sharpened pencils, shiney red apples, crisp morning air, and young children giggling innocently and nervously at their bus stops, while also trying their best to scuff those brand new shoes. It's a time of fresh, unlimited possibilities!

I adore Fall! It's my favorite season. I love wearing hip boots and slouchy writer's sweaters and heading off on leisurely weekends to indulge shamelessly at those yummy cider mills. Bye bye humidity, sweaty brows, and out-of-control hair! Hello hot spiced cider, warm sugary donuts, and stunning, vibrant colored leaves. Relief from that crazy 100 degree heat and stifling humidity (global warming anyone???) is finally here, along with a bit more parental freedom for you, right?... Sounds like good fun.

For many parents those three powerful little words back to school often result in unedited shouts of joy and excitement, fueled greatly by grand visions of greater daytime freedom, (tempered a bit by the unwelcomed reality of all those shocking back-to-school clothing bills)! All things considered, it can be a really cool time of year.

But for parents of children with special needs, the beginning of a new school year can also elicit some heavier emotions including fear, intimidation and issues of trust. These parents face the tremendous challenge of letting their precious babies go, no easy feat when you've had your maternal protection feature in overdrive for five years. Been there, done that... For parents of children with special needs, severing the tough special needs parenting cord can take longer than in most families, it takes a sharp emotional knife!

Throughout the coming months, I will do my best to share with you my parent-tested words of support designed to help you begin letting go. I will also provide you with valuable resources to help you address many on-going school issues more successfully and with greater personal power. School issues and personal empowerment are subjects I have granted a lot of space and voice to in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations. If you don't have a copy, I recommend you get one during your back-to-school shopping adventures! (Big surprise, huh?).

In my blog, I will refer to some of those entries, while also sharing some of my other essays that have been published elsewhere (fortunately, I own the rights!). By sharing more of my work about the day-to-day challenges I faced parenting a child with special needs (until Eric's sudden death at age 12 in 2003), I hope that you will be further energized and inspired, while granted renewed hope for your own child. I am committed to helping you become better prepared to take on your daily parenting challenges.

That support starts today. I am talking to those of you who are sending your child off to school for the very first time. This right of passage can represent an emotional time of anticipation tempered by the sometimes harsh realities of navigating the world of public education. It's not for the faint of heart... but it is possible to do it well, with increased finesse and much less grief, with the right support!

So let's begin today with a letter that I wrote to my son on his first day of kindergarten in 1995 (when there was no Internet!). On that exciting and unnerving day, I penned honest words that represented a mother's deepest wishes for her child. These heartfelt words represented the beginning of my desire to realize some hard-won life dreams for both of us. Together, Eric and I walked many rocky miles. Achieving success along this dicey journey was never easy. It was always possible.

When I began this school journey with my second child, I had no idea how tough the challenges would be as we pursued Eric's right to a free and appropriate education- legal lingo that sounds so simple and pure and easy, but it was anything but. As I faced the education dragon head on in all my naivete, it was critical to our success that I reminded myself of two valuable facts. I loved my son with every ounce of my being, and I strongly believed in his right to pursue a good education. I knew that education would help Eric achieve his full potential, just as it does for all the other neighborhood children. Those unwavering beliefs set the necessary, solid foundation required for us to meet for all the challenges we faced throughout Eric's incredibly rewarding life, including in the public school setting.

I hope that my words of unconditional love for my son with cerebral palsy (seasoned with a ton of my innocence early on) will prove supportive to you. I encourage you to write about your own child's first day of school. If you want to share it with other parents who read my blog, email it to me (no attachements please!) at jappwinter@aol.com or JudyWinter.com. I'd love to read these letters, and I have no doubt others would, too.

Parent-to-parent networking is one of the greatest survival tools you will have in the years ahead- support it and access it whenever you can! You are now beginning a challenging, amazing educational journey. For the sake of your child and yourself, make wise choices. Through this blog and my public appearances and work as an author/speaker, I will continue to walk this rocky and rewarding journey with you and offer my support. I promise.

You are not alone in this special needs parenting adventure...that's a powerful realization. For additional inspiration, watch my upcoming interview on the Family Channel (check your local listings). I will appear as the featured guest on CBN's Living the Life on Wednesday, August 30 to discuss my book Breakthrough Parenting. Check it out!

Letter to Eric

Today, as you begin kindergarten, I'm writing you a letter.

It's a tradition that I began with your sister, Jenna, seven years ago.

The first day of school is a fall rite of passage, like brilliantly changing leaves, crisp evening air and earlier bedtimes. For our family, it also represents hard-won success. Some professionals believed the physical challenges of cerebral palsy would prevent you from learning in a regular school environment. Armed with cold, hard statistics, they warned of a life of segregation. But our family doesn't bank on statistics. We invest in the human stuff, like love, faith and hard work.

We chose a different road.

From the moment you first dramatically graced our lives, we've focused on your ability. In turn, you have exhibited a spirit of survival that astounds me. We've endured too many moments of grief and ignorance. Yet, what I remember most is your first smile and giggle, your first word and your success at a regular preschool.

You are a wise and handsome child, with inquisitive brown eyes that miss nothing. Much of your ability to positively impact others has come from their first impressions of you as a cute child. Your long and lanky frame holds just thirty hard-won pounds, but you are far from being a lightweight in this life. There have been critical hospital stays, invasive procedures and moments when your life was in peril. But today, we celebrate school and a powerful lesson in letting go.

Today, our family is no different.

In your new back-to-school outfit of GAP overalls, white Mickey-Mouse T-shirt and black Oshkosh shoes, you charm me. But I know there will be new challenges. The ground we tread is fresh, one that will present big challenges to some who are uncomfortable with inclusion, a word that promises equal educational opportunities for all children, as if we should need a word for such a human goal. Some people won't understand our fight and won't want to. Other skilled educators will use their training while also teaching from their hearts.

This will be a year of challenges. When people assume physical challenges include mental impairment, you'll be the first to forgive. I pray that others in this new world take time to discover how gifted and talented you really are. I'm exciting about meeting all those new friends who look past your wheelchair and into your eyes-and into your soul. I eagerly await book fairs, walking down school hallways and making red finger Jell-O at Christmas.

As your special bus disappears from sight, I'm a wreck. In a rare moment, I doubt. Are you ready? Am I ready? Your bus is equipped for wheelchairs. It separates you from your able-bodied classmates. Someday, that too must change.

You grin at me through the tinted bus window. You are more ready than I am.

As the bright, yellow school bus disappears from sight, as it did with Jenna many memories ago, I'm overcome with emotion. Safely inside, I release the tears of far too many moments with those blind to your value because of your disability. But my tears of frustration and anger can't help but give way to the unconditional love I have for the child who has been my greatest life teacher.

As you begin this new journey, son, you must grow in independence. But dad and I will be beside you to champion the dreams that others try to tarnish. Forgive them.

On this exceptional day, words can only begin to express what I feel in my heart, Eric Richard Winter. Thank you for coming into my life and teaching me more than I ever thought I had to learn. You are a great teacher...

With much love,
Mom
p.s. Have a wonderful first day in kindergarten!

Catching Up

I'm back!!!

After spending nearly five months of meeting book release commitments that kept me on the road instead of on my tush at my computer, I'm back, at least for a little while, and ready to resume blogging on a more regular basis! Thanks to all of you who have continued to check my blog with determination and dedication, searching for brand new stuff (so sorry!). Here it is! 'Just in time for my back-to-school/education ramblings. You won't want to miss that. (next blog, I promise!).

The past four months have been a whirlwind of reviews, media interviews, book signings for Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations (JudyWinter.com). And I've been sending thanks and books to a lot of deserving people. Plus, I have worked hard to answer all those terrific emails from many appreciative readers. Thanks to each one of you for taking time to share your kudos, heartfelt stories and wonderful amazon reviews (which do help sell books...). I love reading your words; they help fuel my passion for my work, and for my life. They give me hope for the future of our kids, and I will be drawing from them as I write in the weeks ahead.

I must admit to also indulging in more than a few much-needed vacation days (I especially love Lake Michigan!), while also spending some cherished time reflecting on life with my son. Memories are everywhere, and they are there every single day...I cherish these reminders of life with my son, it is sacred time that I plan to protect a bit more ferverently now that the initial book release demands have eased a bit.

The human side of me needs time for tears and introspection, even more than the writer in me requires time for penning emotional words and ramblings. Grief doesn't end because you voice your loss to the world online or write about it in a book. A mother's grief is very powerful indeed...it isn't something you get over, ever. I will blog about the reality of facing and surviving the death of a child in greater detail in my emotional ramblings to come. Perhaps it will help another parent hold on...

So much has been happening in the world these past few months, not just concerning special needs, and I have opinions on almost all of it. But let's get back on track first with some of my professional highlights from the past few months. In short, here's some of what I've been doing instead of blogging!

-Seeing Breakthrough Parenting embraced by both families and the professional market has been incredible. I believe strongly that we must work together well if all children are to have better lives! The adversarial stuff (all the heightened drama we help create) needs to end. The energy can be better spent on great solutions that help kids succeed.

-Appearing on major television shows to talk about my book (great exposure for the cause), including the Hour of Power at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, California- that place is a stunning piece of architecture with beautiful, healing gardens, and with some pretty terrific staff/volunteers on board. My appearance on CBN's Living the Life (Terry and Lousie you are terrific!) will air August 30th-check your local listings (the Family Channel).

-Being interviewed by a lot of fun, skilled broadcasters from a bunch of radio stations across the country, including Steve Cochran from WGN, the Voice of Chicago! Steve talked about his own lessons growing up as the sibling of a brother with learning disabilities, and he was not the only radio/tv host to admit to having personal experience with special needs issues. Thanks Steve for your honesty and the valuable air time! People like you help me take the shame out of talking about this subject publicly! On behalf of families everywhere-- thank you!!

-Being reviewed in Parenting magazine, the Chicago Tribune, and Health News Digest among mentions in many other press was/is terrific.

So was:

- Receiving a letter of support for Breakthrough Parenting from Maria Shriver, First Lady of Califonia!

-Meeting so many terrific families and lots of cute kids at my book signings.

-Finding my book on the shelves in the major bookstores in major cities across the country, including: LA, Washington D.C., Philly, Detroit, often in the general parenting section! Finding BP face out on the top shelf in the 5th Avenue Barnes and Noble in NYC was a writer's literary (and a proud mom's)dream come true..

-Receiving the Chief Everything Officer Award in Community Outreach from AOL/Dove at a luncheon at famed Gotham Hall in New York City!

-Receiving that award from Felicity Huffman, and meeting keynote speaker Marlee Matlin- one of my heroes. Both women were incredibly charming, spirited and friendly! Cute, too... I've got the photos to prove it-check my website.

-Private meeting with Tim Shriver, Chairman of Special Olympics in July in Washington D.C. during the heat wave! What a gracious and inspiring champion of those with special needs!

-Being asked to speak at several professional conferences beginning this fall...
I repeat, we must bridge these challenged relationships and work together for the sake of kids-- it is my loud new mantra.

I am leaving out many other highlights, but you get the drift of what's been happening to me these past few months. Now it's your turn: write me jappwinter@aol.com and update me on your lives. I will begin rambling again in earnest about tough special needs issues next entry (this week I promise).

Be sure to enjoy what is left of summer. Although I admit that I am ready for Fall and sweater weather. This hot, humid summer has turned me into a night creature.

Now, take a deep breath, because school will start again soon. I'm going to try to make this year a bit less stressful for you. If you haven't already done so, be sure to get a copy of my book. It includes lots of empowering tips/information on facing school issues, and the success stories of other families to show you what's possible.

But before school starts, there is still time to take your kids outside and gently catch lighting bugs tonight (the simplest pleasures are free)! It has been a bumper year for the enchanting little twinklers! Be sure to set them free when you are done so someone else can enjoy nature's magic...

It's July 4th-Let the Fireworks Begin!

Once again, we Americans find ourselves celebrating the rich history of the United States, the remarkable country in which we live.

Happy Birthday, America!

No doubt we are facing some serious challenges, including poverty, child abuse, educational reforms, crime, gang and drug problems, and the war in Iraq.

Then there is that little issue of dumbing down our culture with way too much Paris Hilton (now what exactly is it that she is contributing to society?), and those wildly out-of-control Sweet Sixteen reality TV teens, a program our young people could clearly do without. These young women (our future??) throw tantrums worthy of a the most out of control two years old (but more profane) for expensive cars they don't need or deserve. Then, they are rewarded for their behavior with lavish parties that cost more than most weddings. While millions of children are starving...

These girls scare me almost as much as Iran, and leave me asking just one question: when exactly when did their parents lose all their control, dignity and sanity? Reality check time mom and dad--reclaim your parenting power asap! Just how and when did we become so removed from the rest of the world and what is happening in it?

Yep, these are uncertain, even frightening times, but trash television, overindulged and under-disciplined children, and celebrity worship at the tabloid altar aside, I still believe that this is the greatest country in the world in which to live.

Granted, we've got major work to do on our own homeland turf before all U.S. citizens fully realize the real freedoms intended by our forefathers, including for those with disabilities. And far too many of our kids need a serious reality check about what is happening in the rest of the world while we party down each day. They need a greater appreciation for the blood, sweat and tears spilled by their forefathers to ensure their daily freedoms. Too many people have died to preserve our rights, and they are dying still. How can we ignore that fact?

The good news is that in this country, it is possible to make the changes required to make the lives of all of our citizens better. We can make better choices as to how we raise our children. We can teach them compassion and tolerance and good manners. We can raise them to believe in their value and that of their neighbor. It is our very freedom of choice that empowers us each day, and gives us the opportunity to continue to make the U.S. the best country in the world in which to raise a child with special needs.

A well-spoken young woman reminded me of just that during my recent book signing in California. As she purchased a book to send to her brother in Sri Lanka, she told me that she was determined to help him advocate more effectively there for his son with Down syndrome, no easy task. We talked about the fact that many countries are still miles behind America when it comes to addressing the needs of those with disabilities, even when it comes to advocating for the most basic human rights and dignity.

As this spirited young woman shared with me her deep desire to convince her brother to move to the United States, especially for the sake of his son, I was deeply moved. She reminded me of the many blessings that we do have living in this country. Sometimes, we forget too easily.

When it comes to special needs issues, it can be easy for us to focus on what we don't yet have, while taking for granted the painstaking gains we have made. Yet, those gains are numerous, and we must take time to recognize them in order to be motivated to create more change. We have come a long way in our attempts to ensure that our the lives of children with disabilities are the best that they can be! But the work is far from over. We need to be an example for the rest of the world; like our children, they are watching us closely.

I parented a child with cerebral palsy, a wheelchair user, for nearly thirteen years until Eric's unexpected death in 2003, I am all too aware of the daily challenges that still face children with special needs and their families in this country in 2006, some of which are inexcusable. I know that taking on many of these challenges can be incredibly frustrating, even infuriating. I have experienced my own issues about lack of accessibility that threatened to block the rights of my child to have full public access, whether to attend a 4th of July parade or his neighborhood school. (for more about Eric, visit www.JudyWinter.com)

I'm familiar with the limiting, outdated mindset that too often permeates this country by some who still want to devalue our kids, while our society continues to raise celebrity, physical perfection and beauty, narcisism and fame, to a whole new stratosphere. I know that there is a ton of work that must be done before children with special needs, and their familes, can expect to receive the best that this country has to offer. I know there is no quick and easy panacea to resolve such issues, not even in the land of plenty.

But in the United States of America, making those changes is possible. Ground-roots advocacy is what we are built on. It's who we are. The important, historical changes of the past on which our country's history stands solid have been fueled by its citizens! That kind of action continue to reign supreme as we tackle the challenges of raising children with special needs to lead increasingly independent and fulfilling lives. Our voices will be heard, but only if we raise them up.

When it comes to these rights, we are miles ahead of many other countries, some of which would prefer these children not be born, and see no value in them once they are. It helps us to remember that just thirty years ago, many kids with special needs in this country were institutionalized. Today, children with similar challenges are in our communities and neighborhood schools and workforce, where they rightfully belong. That is progress, and it must continue. Each one of us is called to do just that.

Yes, we still need to address the need for valuable resources and funding for kids and families that did not follow this promise of better lives and increased freedoms for our children. That complex, ongoing struggle will not be solved any time soon. Funding and politics will always stand in the way of achieving full human rights. But our freedoms allow us to challenge such roadblocks and pursue better solutions, solutions that will move us closer to true equality for all. It won't happen overnight. But the reality is that funding and politics don't change lives and history, our citizens do.

In America, we have the blessed freedom to protest racism and human indignities, to speak our minds vigorously (and quite loudly) as part of our right to protect the heritage afforded us by our forefathers (who fought very hard for them). We can speak loudly as we work to try to create greater awareness of the rights and value of all human beings. Our freedoms grant us the priceless opportunity to continue to move the special needs advocacy bandwagon forward. Yes, I'm talking the same kind of freedom that makes so many of us yell pretty darn loud at many sporting events, with or without a beer in hand.

It is my hope that when we celebrate our freedom again next July 4th, we will be able to include some valuable new gains made for those with special needs. We already have the freedom to pursue needed change in this country. It's the kind of good stuff we are built on. But it requires personal advocacy and clear, determined voices to be realized.

We must exercise our rights. Far too many people remain silent on issues of injustice and freedom for all, protecting only their own piece of the freedom pie. And we clearly lack tolerance of others speaking their minds fully, (something that seems to be on the increase) while vigorously defending to the death our own. That, too, is America. We have the right to disagree, sometimes in less than stellar ways. In fact, sometimes in our attempts to protect our own space and interests, our manners can be really atrocious, something to which the French will no doubt quickly attest. We can do better by our forefathers.

We are a loud, gutsy, loyal, arrogant and self-centered, beer drinking, SUV-driving & pizza-lovin' noisy group, who can be also be incredibly kind and generous, smart, innovative, loving, and supportive of our neighbors, ready to stand up and do whatever battle is required to support our fellow Americans, even those who are perfect strangers, in times of need. That is America at it's finest. Don't mess with us (or our sports teams), or pay the big price! Our is one fierce battle cry.

So on this summer day in July, one that includes all the traditional icons of flags waving, small-town parades, chargrilled Angus steak, noisy and colorful fireworks (including from my nearby neightbors who think this holiday is about their right to hold a really loud week long midnight celebration), let's pause to give thanks for the daily freedoms we have. We aren't perfect, but backed by the promise of liberty and justice for all, we can build a better, stronger, more caring country and world, one that celebrates the rights of all, including those with special needs. One that will more fully include, welcome and value all children.

Tip for this week: Exercise your American rights, and speak up for your children. If you want change, help create it! Because complaining, however loudly or profane, does nothing to create important, lasting change, and it dishonors the basic rights that our forefathers and so many good folk since, have fought so hard for, even died for. This is your country, your freedom, your rights we are talking about here. Honor them with every ounce of your American being.

And whenever you are presented with the opportunity to exercise your sacred right to vote, do so. Real change, the kind that will be recorded in history, requires bold action, not just lofty words and dazzling fireworks.

Now, I'm going to go eat a hotdog loaded with mustard and pickles...right after I salute my porch flag, and my husband the chef! God Bless America!

Happy 4th!

One Inspiring Father & Son

I am well aware that we just celebrated Father's Day 2006 two weeks ago, complete with gifts that no doubt included a wide array of carefully chosen, colorful new ties, and an assortment of cool new outdoor grills as tokens of our appreciation for the dads in our kid's lives (we could be a bit more creative with our gifts people, but that's for another blog, another day).

The good news is that I have a belated gift to offer up to these hard-working men, one that recognizes and honors terrific dads of children with special needs everywhere- one that will hopefully inspire them to be all they can be. And I simply must ramble on about it.

If you don't know about Team Hoyt, the amazing father and son whose remarkable tight bond has been fueled by years of running marathons and completing triathlons together, I'm going to change that fact. In recent years, this father and son have been honored in the press all over the world, including in Sports Illustated. But more importantly, the Hoyt duo continues to leave lasting imprints on people's minds and hearts, by modeling the power of a parent's unconditional love, a parental commitment that focuses on ability and possibility, not the limitations of a disability.

Dick and Rick Hoyt call Massachusetts home, but the world has become their athletic turf. The story of these two amazing athletes is made even more remarkable by the fact that Rick Hoyt has cerebral palsy and is a wheelchair user. But that hardly defines his value to the world. Rick is a graduate of Boston University, where he is also employed. He's a spunky and determined man, much like his dedicated father, who gives new meaning to parent involvement and to being a dad. Rick Hoyt is a chip off the old genetic block... and that stellar pedigree has proved golden.

For more than 25 years Rick's father, Dick, a retired a lieutenant colonel in the air nation guard,has served as Rick's feet and arms. Together, they have completed 24 Boston Marathons, and countless triathlons. Today, they are known as Team Hoyt, with a lofty mission to integrate the physically challenged into everyday life. Dick and Rick Hoyt have lived this reality; they know it's possible. They have set a new bar for the rest of us. None of the old stereotypical excuses offered here. For more about their efforts, check out: www.teamhoyt.com.

Because of my son, Eric, who had cerebral palsy and passed away in 2003 at age 12, I believe in living, breathing heroes. Team Hoyt fits that bill. You can learn more about their story and become inspired in your own life. It's impossible not to be lifted up at least for a little while by the Hoyt's rock-solid commitment to athletic pursuits and to life success, no matter how tough your day has been. Focus on what is possible in your child's life, and do everything you can to make it happen.

Another clear message you can't overlook when talking about Team Hoyt is this: Dads matter to their kids, big time. Just ask Rick Hoyt. His dad (and mom) believed in his value right from birth, and they never looked back. (For a similar story of the power of parental love, check out more of my life with my son Eric at JudyWinter.com or in my book Breakthough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations).

I hope you have a life changing week- one that helps builds your child's self esteem in ways that only a dad can! (Hint: Spend some fun one-on-one time together, and yes, dads, this can include the pursuit of sports). Just remember Dick and Rick Hoyt...

Happy Father's Day!

This is a quick entry and a bit late, but I must say a quick Happy Father's Day to all you terrific dads out there! Too often the efforts of dads can be overshadowed by all those great moms in our kids lives- but your role is just as important to your kids. So big thanks for all you do- and if you aren't involved in your children's lives like you should be, take a new look at your role and step up your game. Your children will thank you for it- and they do deserve your best effort.

Remember that parenting is your responsibility, too.

This week, spend some one-on-one time with your children and give 'em all you got, especially actions that feed their self esteem and create confident, healthy children (think bear hugs, kind words, laughter) or go see that great new movie CARS together. They will remember these great moments forever......and so will you.

Life as a Writer

If you are one of those cool people who has been reading my blog regularly bless you! No doubt, you're already hip to the reality that my entries are rarely brief-- but they usually stay on point, (well that might be a stretch at times). Fact is, I have rarely been called a writer (or speaker) of few words, unless an unyielding editor commands it.

But today, I was overcome by the need to make a quick, short entry to say just one thing, and I dropped everything else that demanded my attention to focus on getting these words out to accomplish that mission! (You should see the mess of papers on my office floor that I gotta go pick up now and refile! Geez!). I was suddenly possessed, with the need to shout from the mountaintop (okay from the second floor of my house) some words that I'm pretty sure Oprah would define as coming from my psyche as part of a grand lighbulb moment, IF I was sitting on the couch with her.. (Oprah, please call me!)

I love being a writer!

I love meeting all those people that my avocation has allowed me to meet. I love the fact that so many willing and eager subjects (and yes, even the naive) share the deepest part of their souls with me without even knowing who the heck I am or without asking for my driver's license or firstborn. After all these years, I am still amazed that total strangers trust me to retell their stories well, with sensitivity and fairness and accuracy, and assume that I will honor all those annoying off-the-record comments that some interviewees simply can't seem to live without. I love that in this tabloid day and age, people are still that trusting.

I LOVE the fact that I can spell without using spellcheck! Something that is freeing, especially since spellcheck is too often wrong. Kudos to my high school college English teacher for training me well, even though I did not appreciate her wisdom or red pen at the time. Thanks Judy Faber!

I love the fact being a writer grants me permission to take the time needed to really listen to someone's words in order to uncover the life jewels that they have been guarding tightly for years, those emotional tales housed deep within their gut and locked away in their memories. These are stories that rarely see daylight because we live in an incredible fast-paced world that finds itself too busy to really listen to them. I love the fact that I get the honor of bringing such stories to light.

In my work, I serve as a bridge that connects the public to some remarkably human life stories, and as a result, sometimes lives are forever changed. Wow!

I've been so immersed in the publication and speaking and special needs advocacy process these past few years, that I haven't had much time to just sit back and really reflect on why I love what I do, and how the heck I got to this point in my career. But today I must do it!

I love to hear people's stories, and I love words! And I am especially fond of those stories others seem to think aren't worth their time and energy. I love tales of the downtrodden, championing the underdog, and all that human interest stuff. You can have sports and politics and celebrities. There's room for us both, cause I ain't interested in your turf. Doubt I ever will be.

The power of the written word continues to amaze me. When used well, language, whether written or spoken (I love both) has the remarkable ability to change lives, foster vital discussion even on the most sensitive issues, bring warring factions together, serve as a lifelife, provide hope and inspiration and thanksgiving, help turn people's toughest days around, and allow us to recite powerful, hope giving prayer during times of personal devastation. Words can help end wars.

They can do that and so much more.. As a writer, I can't even put all the gifts into words!

So for today, I'm not writing about special needs or helping your child be the best he or she can be (don't worry, I'll return to it in my next blog). Today, I just needed to ramble on and pay tribute to the incredible profession that helps me do this work well by repeating the simple proclamation that first began this ramble, which I admit has now gone on a bit longer than I first envisioned.

I love what I do. I love being a writer. I love telling your stories.

It's one cool gig....

I hope you love what you spend most of your life doing, too. If not, it's never too late.

I should know! I've now got the clips and shiney new author's book to prove it!

Tip of the week! Spend some time doing what you really love, not cause you have to, but because you simply must. You'll be better for it.

Highlights of the Crystal Cathedral

First, I must apologize for going so long between blogs. Naughty me! But in my own defense, my schedule has left me slightly crazed (huge understatement). It has been filled with back-to-back travel. In fact, everytime I hear an airplane overhead now, I think I'm in an airport somewhere, and quickly remove my shoes preparing to go through an imaginary security screening!

My life as a newly published, slightly starry-eyed author has also been filled with lots of media interviews and book signings. Unlike many authors, I love book signings because I get to talk to lots of great people. I always come away with lots of food for creative thought, an especially important benefit for non-fiction writers. Plus, after trying to finish my book in record time in relative solitary confinement in my home office, I started feeling like the groundhog. Fact is, I'm thrilled to be out socializing again- and seeing daylight!

I got to attend one really cool awards ceremony in New York City to accept my Chief Everything Officer (CEO) Award in Community Outreach from AOL and Dove (more about that biggie in my next blog!), where I met Felicity Huffman and Marlee Matlin. And yes, that was cool. You can read more on my website at www.JudyWinter.com.

So I have landed home for at least a little while, and in between responding to emails, new media requests and cleaning my I've-been-out-of-town-a-while clutter, I am eager to share with you some of my incredible experiences of the past few weeks. That includes some of the amazing opportunities that I have had to speak with (or should I say listen to?) many wonderful people from across the country who shared with me their stories of children with special needs with great honesty and emotion.

Many of their words were fueled by gratitude and unconditional love for their children, in light of experiencing some very real hardships. I am still trying to answer all the resulting emails. If you sent me one, please be patient, I will reply sooner or later; that's a promise. And I work overtime to meet my promises.

More than one person has shared their tears of frustration over the weight of the responsibilty they carry each and every single day, often without adequate support or kudos. Tears fell on my books at more than one book signing as people finally felt permission to lighten their emotional load and tell me in no uncertain terms the reality of their challenged lives, knowing that I understood and wasn't about to pass judgement. I held hands with people more than once; in many cases, hugs were a given.

At times, I felt like I was part of a special needs parenting revival! And while I wish my presence, or touch, or words could cure all the pain I witnessed, I hold no such power. I can only hope that my own honest, caring words may in some small way soothe and ease some of the pain that others feel, while providing some inspiration and needed direction to help these families meet their challenges well and move forward well.

In light of the tough demands facing many people who took the time to welcome me, most of these same individuals also graciouly took time to thank me for writing the words that they say they have been waiting to hear for far too long- words that loudly proclaim that their children DO matter, that they do have value, as do their parents. One mom wrote: "You are the hug that I have been waiting three years for..."

The work I do is humbling, and I take both the responsibility, and this honor, very seriously...It is an honor to serve this incredible population.

This mom's words helped sum up why I wrote Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs. Yet, those same words also left me feeling quite sad, because it should not have taken that long for someone to validate this woman, her child, and her hard work as a parent. That reality is just not okay with me, and I will continue to do everything I can to help change it, if only by creating greater societal awareness of her daily struggles and those of millions of others like her. I will be that honest, clear and relentless voice for her and for many others, make no mistake about that. I will not sit silently by as this population continues to struggle day in and day out to realize the simplest of human rights.

During my travels, I also have had the incredible honor of speaking with more than one person with special needs who far exceeded the odds cited all around them; in most cases, these people attributed their success to a loving, dedicated and gutsy parent, often times a mother. And YES, I also met my share of great dads committed to raising their kids well, too. Like our kids, too often these dads don't get enough press or credit for the great work they do. Thanks, dads! You matter, too! And I've got some cute photos of adoring dads with their beautiful little girls at a couple of my book signings to prove it.

All of these encounters, whether in person, or through email or by phone inspire me and energize me to continue the tough but important work that I have taken on. It's no easy feat to fight these battles and create awareness, especially as I continue to work through the death of my own son who fuels my passion for this cause and these kids. I will be sharing more of these encounters with others (with permission!) in my rambles yet to come this summer. But it's too much to share all at once...I'm still processing the whirlwind, and the sacred blessings. I do feel incredible blessed to have the skills, experiences, stories and venues to speak effectively to this issue.

I do want to start this catch-up phase with a brief summary of my incredible experience as the May 14th Mother's Day guest for the Hour of Power at the Crystal Cathedral in Garden Grove, California. The wonderful opportunities I have had to put my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations before major audiences (thanks to some great media) have left me both humbled, honored and ultimately energized to continue to take the message of the value of this population to as many venues and stages as possible. My goal is to get the word out, stir some things up and create discussion and change that will change children's lives. Media interviews help an author do just that.

What I found during my appearance at the Crystal Cathedral (and in the planning that precedes it weeks before) was an incredibly warm, accepting and welcoming group of people that helped create for me one terrific experience that I will never forget. My belief is that if every church was this welcoming, church attendance and long-term membership would be growing not declining.

Everyone we came into contact with at the Hour of Power truly seemed to love what they were doing, who they were doing it for, and why they were doing it (for God). There was a family atmosphere backstage, with lots of warm greetings, hugs and laughter. Many of these people are church volunteers who during the rest of the week work in the nearby entertainment industry as makeup artists, directors, producers and musicians. The staging director had recently completed work on 'Memoirs of a Geisha', yet he told that for more than 20 years he had been volunteering the production of the program and considered it some of the most rewarding work he has done to date. And to think that so many of us are today driven by celebrity and fame... the rewards here are more concrete, more lasting, of more value.

Dr. Robert H. Schuller's long-time driver told me about the many wonderful program guests he had had the pleasure to meet over the years, including his personal favorite, former Soviet President, Mikhail Gobachev.

Because of this internationally-reknowned ministry and place, many of these people have rubbed elbows with some of the most famous or influential people of the times, yet they treated my husband and me as if we were the most important guests they had ever encountered.

I was thrilled to share my message, my passionate vision of special needs parenting with this audience (you can view that interview by going to my website JudyWinter.com and scrolling down to the Crystal Cathedeal interview link on my intro page). It was a wonderful moment. Faith has played a key role in my ability to survive my life challenges, including the death of my child. So to be in that beautiful place on Mother's Day to share my message about my son, and others with special needs, with a worldwide audience was something for which I will always be grateful. And all the great people I met at the book signings held after each service, touched me deeply and left lasting imprints on my heart and soul.

The people I had the pleasure of working with for this event are some of the finest individuals I've ever met. From the beginning of my contact and planning (thanks Maria and Erica!!!), these individuals recognized the value of my work and message and were dedicated to helping me share this message on this international stage in the most positive and classy way possible. Mission accomplished, and then some.

So to everyone at the Crystal Cathedral, thank you for all you have done and continue to do to help change people's lives throughout the world, including my own, by sharing powerful messages of hope and faith- valuable messages to those challenge by special needs! My heartfelt thanks and deepest gratitude to you all for sharing your time, energy, and support of my work with me. You have touched me beyond words...

Now, I want to know what the rest of you have you been doing to improve the life of a child while I've been on the road. So please write me and share all the good stuff. 'Cause then I can pass it on to my readers, and motivate them to do the same, plus it warms my heart to hear your stories. Think snowball effect, where the end result is the motivation to create better lives for kids! It's one natural and productive high...

In the meantime, savor the sensory gifts of summer! 'Cause those little gems of nature will sneak away again all too soon...

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for me, so my message on the subject this year is brief. While I celebrate the honor and remarkable blessings of having filled this sacred role for more than twenty one years, the loss of my son is still quite fresh, and leaves me still searching for some peace on this emotional, Hallmark-card kind of holiday.

I will say this loudly-- thank God for my beautiful daughter who let me practice parenting on her before I was challenged by the special needs of my son. She was, and remains a terrific and patient teacher. Like her brother, her gifts are many, too. I am blessed to have her in my life.

Now, to all those moms who work so hard each and every day trying to keep all the spit balls in the air while also serving as domestic goddess, teacher, pediatrician, counselor, lover, friend, cook, fashion stylist, chauffer, cheerleader and spiritual leader-- while wiping all those weird snotty little green noses, I salute you. You are simply amazing!

Do you realize that if each and every one of us would stand up for a child and let our voices be heard loudly and with no apologies for our volume, we could indeed change the world? That's how important and valuable the work mothers do each and every day of their lives is.

You have earned the day's kudos and so much more...our future truly is in gentle, loving, nurturing, strong hands. Wow! What a responsibilty.

So be sure to take a break today whenever you can. 'Cause tomorrow it's back to molding the world's future, one child at a time-- that's one big job for no paycheck, health insurance or retirement plan. So you're gonna need at least a twenty-minute nap today to face it for another 364 days--and some lovely, fragrant flowers from a real florist would be nice, too! And yes, you can buy them for yourself if others come up short. Today, you have earned the right to honor yourself first for once. But like all good things in life, this day will go by all too quickly, so capture the magic while you can.

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!

Sacred Self Care--Permission Granted!

Whenever I run across a valuable and inspiring resource penned by women, one designed to help other women improve their lives, I cannot wait to pass it on. This is one of those times.

Throughout my life, the timeless messages of Julie Cameron, Anne Morrow Lindberg, Maya Angelou and others have added fire to my creative soul. So I’m always on the lookout for new writers whose talent for written expression inspires me and motivates me to be the best darn human being I can be. Like most people, I am a continual work in progress. No big surprise there. As long as we are still breathing, there is room for us to discover more about ourselves and to grow and change in amazing ways. Always.

So I’ve got a new name to add to my list of those who challenge me to pursue new personal heights, and I 'm going to share it with all you incredibly hard-working moms of children with special needs (and those without). I’ve just discovered the terrific works of author Joan Anderson. Like the sacred words of Julia Cameron, a gifted champion and nurturer of the writer’s sometimes fragile psyche and soul, Anderson’s book holds the power to inspire women to take powerful action to improve their lives.

This talented author gives women the permission they desperately seek, (yet rarely find outside themselves—hint: stop looking there!), to take time out for personal reflection and renewal. Think of this read as an invigorating blood transfusion for a tired mother’s soul (chicken soup alone won't cut it!).

Anderson challenges our gender, one extremely effective at caretaking everyone but themselves, to take time out to reconnect with who they once were, and still may be behind all the societal masks and demanding female roles they have taken on to the nth degree. (I’m exhausted just writing about the subject!). Anderson invites us to ditch the wobbly, painful stilettos (the masks we wear each day) and get real by giving women permission to reclaim their own lives-- and wear more sensible shoes as they navigate life’s rocky emotional terrain.

I came across this author’s important works during a much-needed day away from demands as a new author. As I prepare to face some especially important whirlwind weeks involving book promotion and media appearances, I came across Anderson’s most recent work: A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After A Lifetime of Being All Things to All People. I found it while leisurely browsing in a bookstore. (Haven’t done that far too long).

Intrigued by the title (book titles do matter!), I began reading her words before leaving the bookstore. I couldn’t stop! With my discerning writer’s eye, that's something that rarely happens. With my increasing professsional demands, I must connect with a book immediately to even consider purchasing it. Anderson's book had me reading before I left the parking lot.

This particular title is a semi workbook/companion guide to Anderson’s bestselling book A Year by the Sea (I'm drawn to titles involving the word SEA!). I promptly got myself a copy of that book, too. I keep going back and forth between the two titles, savoring every single word on each page, finding each valuable reflection and insight a gift. I’m stopping only long enough to blog these words, while forgiving myself for going two weeks without a new entry! The books are working already.

Anderson’s insightful words offer a particularly timely statement for my own life. I have just finished a huge personal goal of becoming an author of a book about a topic about which I am passionate- improving the lives of children with special needs, and the lives of their families. Becoming published by traditional publishing channels is no easy feat these days and it gets harder each year. Plus, I’m still dealing with the grief over the death of my son in 2003.

Reality check. I am at one giant life crossroad. And that ever present nagging question What now? that often faces us gals once we climb one big mountain (or finish a big ‘ol stinkin pile of dirty laundry), is already chanting in my brain. Every so often, I tell it to chill out! Anderson challenges us to say that more often, using stronger language.

It’s just like mothers to barely take time to catch their breath, validate their achievements (if we do that at all) and say good job! before they take on another big task-- all the while wondering what we must do next in our never ending quest to prove our value and our self worth and mommy stock. I’m not going to rant about how we got ourselves into this role-playing mess, not today anyway. But here’s Anderson suggests a novel way to help you try to find your way out of it.

How about doing nothing?

How about taking time needed to retreat into silence in order to rediscover who you really are, to rediscover what moves you, makes you cry, laugh or love passionately and celebrate you? How about taking time to reflect on your own greatness as a human being outside of all these other roles you wear, in order to rediscover the terrific person that lies beyond the laundry, homemade lasagna and PTA carnival chair title?

"No time!" you shout!

Anderson challenges that protective chant, too, by citing all the hours, minutes, microseconds in a day (some of which we clearly waste), before challenging you to find some of that time just for you (she did this to an audience member live on Oprah!). Anderson has a critical point to make. We have become a nation of burned out moms, speeding by life moments in gas gulping SUVs. Our children are watching us closely, and they are stressing out, too. We are making some crazed choice to stay on this treadmill of parenting madness.

Anderson works helps us understand that we can and must change this insanity.

This author is right on, sisters! And we should be paying close attention, because ultimately our children are paying the price of our refusal to take care of ourselves and one day, (if we have parented well and can find additional resources where needed), most of our kids will leave us to take flight and create their own worlds in their own space. Then what?

We could all benefit from a slight slow down and reflection, don’t ‘cha think?

While the meat of Anderson’s words are designed to help women in mid-life transition rediscover who they are beyond the exhausting roles of wife, mother, employee, etc. I find her valuable message of self care for women especially powerful for mothers of children with special needs. When it comes to running the parenting race, these women are triathletes.

Like other moms, they often give until they have nothing left to give, but the heightened intensity of special needs parenting demands make these moms the true heros in the non-stop motherhood race. Finding time away to these moms isn’t as simple as it is to most. It requires extra careful, thoughtful planning, and usually great child care, a very supportive husband, or priceless (and hard to come by) respite care. The good news is that where there is a will (and a great need for life-impacting change), there is nearly always a way.

Permission to take care of YOU (and time away from parenting) granted!

Take time out for you! That’s Anderson’s battle cry, mine, too. I included self care (for dads, too!) in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations (the book you need besides Andersons!), because I believe it is a critical component in the special needs family equation. There’s a reason why flight attendants tell passengers to use the oxygen masks first before offering it to their children. You cannot continue to run this kind of demanding parenting race without taking care of you. You are at increased risk for burnout. I'm deadly serious.

Anderson gives further credibility to this crisis facing many exhausted women today, women who feel guilty for voicing their exhaustion and need for rest. We represent a large generation of women who have tried to do it all, be it all, be the best at it all, at a huge cost to our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health (without any thought that equation might include special needs!). And if you think the family unit and your children don’t notice or suffer as a result, you are mistaken. Kids are remarkably sensitive and insightful to what’s going on around them. They know if you are happy and content, or stressed and rabid beyond belief (maybe even wishing to escape into a romance novel of your own perhaps??).

Is this really the message we want to give about ourselves and our life roles to our daughters and our sons? Do we want to leave them a legacy that defines the woman’s role as one of martydom, with the required skills of juggling all the life balls without ever dropping a single one, while adding more balls to the equation every single day? No wonder so many women are pooped, discouraged, and out of touch with their inner goddess!

We need to stop the madness. We need to take time out. Anderson’s books and words may just give you the added incentive and permission that you think you need to do just that. If nothing else, you will find out that you aren’t alone in this life madness and that yes, you can get off the crazy tilt a whirl, at the very least for a short time. Short escapes can work wonders.

You can find out more about Anderson’s work at: http://www.joananderson.org/.
and more about mine, of course (it is my blog after all!) at http://www.judywinter.com/.

Your family will be better off because mom took needed time away to refuel. Most importantly, so will you. Most moms have a tough time admitting that maybe, just maybe, our children and family can exist without our micromanagement for just a little while (especially tough for some moms to leave DAD in charge!). They can make it without us- for a little while at least! What a relief to find this out before you fall head first from exhaustion into the homemade lasagna, and snort noodles!

So this week, try hard to uncover and highlight at least three blessings your child with special needs brings into your life and celebrate them, together! And then share them with me! …Right after you lock the bathroom door and take a long, hot bubble bath (or even a short one).

Me? I’m gonna go curl up cat like and take a nap in the warm late-April sun, right after I fold the last load of laundry...

Siblings Rock!

When I talk about special needs families, I can't ramble on for very long without mentioning the important subject of siblings. They are my heroes. They don't ask to be put into this sometimes crazy family situation, yet they must live with the results of it, for good or not so good, for the rest of their lives.

That's a lot to ask of them, and it makes it critical that the adults in their lives tune into sibling's needs and work hard to meet those needs-- for the sake of everyone's future.

I love siblings so much that I have devoted an entire chapter to them in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations. That chapter includes more than one wise and wonderful sibling voice, along with information about a terrific sibling resource called Sibshops, an organization designed to help siblings better handle their valuable roles! Check it out!

I've asked my daughter to join me in rambling about siblings this week in an informal Q & A. Jenna recently graduated from college with a degree in visual journalism. I think she turned out great for a sibling in a special needs family!

Unfortunately, her brother, Eric, passed away in 2003 at age 12. As Jenna reflects on his life, we both hope that her words will help you have a little better understanding about what it means to be a sibling in these challenging and often amazing families.

If you want to know more about Jenna's sibling role, and that of some other wonderful sibs, you've gotta read Breakthrough Parenting!!!(had to get the sales pitch in there for my publisher!!) I promise you that the sibling chapter alone makes BP worth your time. I have found that these siblings are often exceptional human beings, thanks in part, to their demanding roles. For more about Breakthrough Parenting, visit my website: JudyWinter.com.

Q: Jenna, tell me the first word that comes to your mind when I say siblings and special needs:

A: Eric.

Q: What do you remember most about your brother?

A: His joy for life. When I think of my brother, I think about happy he was.

Q: What was the most difficult thing about being Eric's sibling?

A: How much attention he needed when he was younger, and all the things we had to consider before we went anywhere.

Q: Do any specific challenges come to mind?

A: I remember when we traveled to Florida and we had to bring a lot of stuff for Eric's needs, including his special seat to sit in so he could fly.

Q: Did your brother every embarrass you?

A: Only when he got upset and acted out, especially when he was younger.

Q: What can parents do in this kind of situation to help siblings feel better?

A: Stay calm about it. Don't get upset with the sibling with special needs. If a parent overreacts to the situation, it can make it even worse and more embarrassing for the sibling. Also, let the sibling know that they haven't been forgotten in the moment, and allow them to express their feelings about it. Check in with siblings informally later on to see how they're doing. But don't press them into talking about it if they don't want to discuss it right then.

Q: What do you think is the hardest thing for a sibling to face about life with brother or sister with a disability?

A: It's hard having to explain your sibling to others and have them understand the disability. Making sacrifices is hard, too. Like when you have special family plans and your sibling's needs cut those plans short or they get cancelled because of things like illness or trouble finding childcare.

Q: What do see as the positives of having had a brother with special needs?

A: I definitely have an awareness of a population that doesn't get talked about enough, one that people are often uncomfortable talking about. I think I am more open to accepting people with differences despite what those differences might be.

Q: What did we do as parents that made your role easiser?

A: You always thought about me and made time to give me attention, too. You met my needs, not just Eric's. There was always time for me to pursue my favorite activities and live out my life dreams, too.

Q: In what way did we as parents help make your sibling role easier?

A: By your positive example. You set a good example for everyone around you. You were proud of your son, and because you weren't embarrassed by him, neither was I.

Q: Is there anything we could have done differently?

A: I don't think so. You did the best you could.

Q: What do you miss most about Eric?

A: How happy he was to hang out with me. That made me happy.

Q: Your advice to other siblings who might be struggling with their role?

A: Love the good pieces of your sibling. Focus on the happy moments. Try to enjoy what your sibling enjoys and get involved with them, regardless of anything they might do that embarrasses you or makes you mad, or leaves you feeling left out.

Q: If you had a choice would you have changed Eric's special needs?

A: No. But I wish I could have still had Eric in my life and also have had another sibling without special needs to share this whole sibling experience with.

Q: Anything else you want to add?

A: I think that covers it, for now.

Thanks, Jenna!!

No problem, mom!

..Now it's your turn to talk to your child. Make a real effort to connect with all the kids in your family this week. Cause each one is incredibly special....and they all need your parenting.

Sending Breakthrough Parenting Out into the World

I have officially begun the whole book signing/public appearance phase that comes with being a published author! And I must say that after all the hard work and tough life experiences required of me to get to this point, this public adoration stuff is kind of fun, and cool.

Plus, I love all the hugs and kudos! But I promise to stay humble. All I have to do to accomplish this little feat is to link on to amazon.com and eyeball all those reviews with less than 3 stars given for books that I KNOW are really good reads!

Ouch!

Fact is, I have sent my baby (my blood, sweat and tears) out into the cold, cruel, opinionated and often critical world. It's also a world that can be remarkably beautiful, wise, compassionate, even gutsy when it comes to fighting for basic human rights and dignity, and societal justice. I'm counting on those folks to review me!

There is much goodness and beauty in this crazy world (some people even give authors five stars!!) yet we rarely expose it. Why is that? As a writer, I have learned that our objective craft often requires that we take in some rather sour words (otherwise known as 'constructive criticism') about our work, along with all those sweet, good-time reviews we hope to receive. It's rarely cause for celebration.

But nobody's gonna love you all the time (not even if you are Oprah). Nor will everyone agree with your cause or your passionate take on it. In fact, some people may well argue really loudly against it (and some people just like to be mean!). Don't you just love those kind of reality (ego) checks? I work hard to take anything of value from these reviews, then quickly move on.

I've been fortunate (so far) to experience a terrific amount of enthusiastic support for Breakthrough Parenting, which I believe is a great resource (big surprise!). But real solutions to personal challenges come when you combine great resources with your own personal sweat and heartfelt, fearless actions. That creates magic. A good resource can help give you an empowering and energizing view about your life that can help lead you to make important change. IF you are open to that possibility.

So if someone promises you a magic wand, save your time and money and run like a crazed cat in the other direction.

I wish that I could stand there with some of my readers, and wipe away their bitter, painful and powerful tears of frustation, and soften the grief that may arise as they read my words, and as they recognize their own difficult life stories. I've seen these kind of tears at my book signings. I trust that through my words, I may in some small way touch one person's life enough to help them make good changes in their own world, and in so doing, create better lives for their children.

I hope that my words and those of others in my book, help people hang on tightly during some particularly stinky life moments. (Think strong lifeline in powerful quicksand). If one person can hold on when they want to give up, I think my book will have served its purpose.

But I sure hope my honest, emotional words also generate lots of discussion among the warring factions, along with an important call to personal actions for change. I hope BP gives birth to new advocates committed to helping all kids lead better lives, advocates who think change is long overdue and who will join me and others fighting for needed improvements and awareness that helps all kids thrive. Raising the bar of expectations for children with special needs- one child at a time, is my battle cry. It was my original intention in all this special needs work to which I have committed my heart and soul, and it drives me still.. always will.

When I speak before crowds, I love it when student teachers (those soon to be in their own classrooms) come up and ask me what they can do to create greater change within their own profession. Their honest words and willingness to learn new stuff, fueled by youthful idealism, unbridled energy and pure intention, give me tremendous hope for the future. Plus, they always energize and inspire me (and make me wish I was twenty something again for a few days, but with the wisdom, life experiences, financial security, and cool convertible that I have today!). The grass often looks greener... I think I prefer the wisdom...(and the car!).

Now go squeeze your children tightly; and then hug them a second time for me. 'Cause us writers can always use the love--and so can our kids!

And if the spirit, and my words move you, please give me a good review online- with lots of gold stars! Thanks!

Brooke Ellison Inspires!

Today's blog is going to be short, fairly sweet and definately to the point- mainly cause I've been slightly overscheduled this week. So it's either keep this short or hold off on adding a new blog for a few more days. (I can't disappoint you like that)! And why ramble on this week when I can make great use of your reading time by suggesting that you check out a great story on your own with the click of a mouse! (Ain't technology grand?).

Want to get inspired in your own life? Check this out...

My friend, Brooke Ellison, is running for New York State Senate. To learn about Brooke's story, her life and her political campaign, just go to her website www.brookeellison.com. After reading about this amazing young woman, you might just be motivated to move a few mountains of your own this week! Brooke has faced some big life challenges, including disability, with remarkable courage, grace and guts.

Be forewarned- once you have 'met' Brooke Ellison, it's going to be a lot tougher for you to make the same lame excuses about what's preventing you from taking action to create much needed-change in your own daily life. Remember all those big dreams you once had? It's rarely too late to pursue them...

Brooke Ellison is one smart, determined woman, and great role model for anyone looking to change the world- or at least a tiny corner of it. I think she'd make a terrific, hard-working Senator, sensitive to meeting the needs of an increasingly diverse society teetering on the edge of madness, not a bad person to have in office these days, huh?

Brooke has succeeded (excelled) in everything she has taken on in her life, regardless of the significant challenges thrown her way. Instead of complaining loudly about the need for change in the world, Brooke Ellison is taking important action. There's a big difference between the two.

Once you've learned more about Brooke, it's your turn to act! Whatever it is that moves you, pushes your buttons, makes you stand up and cheer, take it on, however seemingly small the action. Get started. Get educated. Get inspired. Then get involved. And use your voice wisely.

That's how real change happens. And Lord knows, we could use the leadership.

Wishing you a week of productive change.... Tell Brooke I sent you...

Singin the Praises of Music Therapy!

Here's a question for you to get your brains in gear!

What does my first official book signing and a terrific rock band propelled by teenagers with special needs and great chops have to do with today's rambling?

Lots! -and then some! I spent much of my Saturday at a multi-state conference for music therapists and college students hoping to join their ranks. During lunch, some remarkable musicians with special needs performed for an enthusiastic crowd. The band included a Joan-Jett-like singer who put Bucky from the current season of American Idol to shame. Talk about being inspired, and focusing on abilty -wow!

Until the conference, I had alsolutely no idea what I was going to rant about this week. I was already past due per my deadline-driven mind, so I had to remind myself loudly that I am the only one calling the terms on this blogging gig! The months (years) of non-stop writing to realize the publication of Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs, and far too much solitude, had left me craving a little break in the writing department (and with a JLO-imposter behind!). Lately, I've been experiencing a little bit of the dreaded writer's block, but I know it will pass eventually-- as will the behind with a bit of work.

The fact that I am now an author who has climbed the big publishing mountain and jumped all the hoops required to see my book on bookstore shelves (then turned out impressive promotion materials in short order), meant nothing as I faced the empty page. Procrastination hadn't magically disappeared from my writer's vocabulary simply because my name and face were now on a book (although being called an author sure does soothe the blank mind and tender ego and make you feel a bit like a rockstar)!

In reality, I was tired of writing and I wanted to go do something else for a change, like shop for new shoes, go have a beer with friends (and I don't even drink beer!), or watch Under the Tuscan Sun and sigh. I was acting like a spoiled child who wanted her own way again. My approach clearly wasn't working (ya hear me, Dr. Phil??).

Oh, there was no shortage of topics to rant about this week -like the dad who in his rush to board his commuter train to Washington D.C. left his seven-month-old child in the car at the train station (there aren't enough words)! Then there was the media flap over an alleged Nicole Richie social faux paux (wasn't she raised in priviledge -or is this real problem?). This event involved uttering a suggestive profanity inappropriately toward an unsuspecting young boy (is it really that tough to figure out basic right and wrong in today's world, especially where young children are involved?). Or are all societal boundaries now up for grabs? I sure hope not.

When I read that the boy's father had refused to sign a release to air the tasteless interchange, it gave me renewed faith in parenting and I found myself shouting out kudos at the computer screen- You Go Dad!! I gave him five stars for taking his role as parent seriously, a too rare occurrance in today's media-obsessed, pop-culture, I wanna be your friend, not your parent and our you-can-just-change-the-channel world! The continued dumbing down of society as modeled expertly by what is supposed to be our future leaders (and what should be our best and brightest young people), who also happen to be pretty big role models for our youngest, is a reality that infuriates me and leaves me with far too many questions for which I have no answers (although I usually try to fake 'em).

But here's one answer: Parents: teach your kids the basics of being decent human beings, okay?? Things like the simple concept of basic right and wrong, and good manners and issues involving self respect and human dignity (and tell them stories about all their ancestors who fought so relentlessly for our basic civil rights, causes many people must still fight for today). But I digress, and this topic is definately for another blog, another day. So let's return to today's topic, shall we?

As usual, this week there was no shortage of shake-your-head life moments to choose from. Yet, somehow I wanted to use my forum for something more news worthy, more human, more life altering. I wanted to share information that could help change kids lives.

So here you go, two simple words -and they aren't profane. Music Therapy.

Research strongly suggests that music therapy holds the power to impact the brain and development in positive ways, especially for those with a wide range of special needs.

All of us have a story about how music has impacted our lives in powerful ways, right?

But it is what I saw music and music therapy do for my son who had cerebral palsy that first sold me on this profession, and made me a true believer in the power of music. Eric took part in the remarkable program for seven years, before passing away suddenly in 2003 at age 12. Because of this profession, my son's talent for music was both uncovered and nutured, and Eric was composing music before he died. Music added such richness and purpose to my son's life, and to his development. Eric had a significant disability, but he was a musician and a kid first.

In my short list of programs that I believe are a must for many children with special needs, music therapy is right up there. So when asked to present for this conference, and hold a book signing, I readily and enthusiastically agreed. I wanted to say thanks by presenting a session that highlighted the human results of the work these professionals do each day, as I told my son's amazing story. I also wanted and needed to take in the smells and sounds of an event that I knew would remind me of my son's life and face and laughter. And that's exactly what I savored -and more.

The Great Lakes Region of the American Music Therapy Association annual conference was hosting nearly 300 professionals and music therapy students who were networking and sharing individual expertise in order to help clients with special needs make important life gains, no matter how small, no matter the tough challenges presented. Many were committed to improving the lives of those with autism. The heart and passion of so many in attendance was contagious and inspiring and gave me hope for the future of our kids.

It was one of those events where the actions of people who are trying hard to make a difference in the world left me asking this question: what would happen if all the people who misuse their privilege and education and money were to instead turn their focus from frivolity and self-centered pursuits of fleeting happiness and easy fame to those efforts that best used their energy and smarts for the good of others? Imagine the power we could harness to change the world, or at least a small piece of it. Imagine what we could do for those needing our support?Altruistic, maybe. So what? I've seen the results of such focus. They are often magical.

Traffic at my table was brisk as each book purchaser readily shared a story about the work they do each and every day. So many thanked me for writing the book to help families. More than one said they were buying it to pass on to a parent in dire need. I thanked them all for their commitment to their clients, while also reminding them of the importance of reading it themselves first. We each have much to learn from one another.

One of my biggest missions with this book is to help parents and professionals work together more productively, and with less grief. We must model increasingly positive, respectful teamwork if our children are to thrive. In this place, on this day, I experienced the role of these outstanding professionals as my comrades, teammates to be embraced and celebrated, not as an enemy to be avoided whenever possible. That misguided perception of the title 'professional' is held by too many parents. As is the often inappropriate definition of 'parent' by the professional ranks. We both play a role in this unfortunate interchange, and it must change.

Saturday's experience left me with a renewed commitment to bring what are often opposing sides together in positive, respectful, caring ways that can help change children's lives for good. I am passionate about this work. It must be done if all children are to live better lives, period. No more excuses from the adults in their world for giving them anything less.

Music holds the power to transform all of our lives. It was true for my son; it is true for me; and at Saturday's conference, it was true for all those in attendance. As a writer, I sing with words. These professionals sing with great heart for a population that is too often undervalued and misunderstood. I applaud their work, their passion and their commitment. I applaud them. Like a parent trying to work through the roughest parenting patch to create a better world for their children with disabilities, the work of these music professionals is not always easy.

Truth be told, few programs can cause me to shout to the heavens about the incredible promise they hold for kids with special needs. Last Saturday, I was again reminded of why I love music therapy, and while no one profession can offer a panacea treatment for children with special needs or their families, this one sure comes close.

Tell someone you know and love about music therapy this week. It may just change a child's life -and your own.

Wouldn't that be grand??