Okay, so my Spartans came up a bit short against UNC in last night's NCAA Round two game. But they gave us a thrill, leaving everything they had on the court and allowing even the most doubting fan to believe that the seemingly impossible might just happen afterall. What a thrill ride!
Like most Spartan fans today, I couldn't be prouder of this team. They showed guts and resiliency, tons of class, and a never-give-up attitude, a tribute to their terrific coaching. The best news for Spartan fans this morning is the realization that all that tremendous talent, plus some new blood, is coming back.
Last night, this group of exceptional young men gave the nation a preview of coming attractions. The Spartans served notice--they will be back. And while MSU may have ultimately been beaten by a deeper bench and some remarkable athletic talent, in no way is this team a loser.
If there's one thing I love it's seeing a perceived underdog rise above the tough odds, silence the naysayers and create some magic. That's just what this team did in 2006/07. Unfortunately, this Cinderella story ended too soon
But just wait until next year....
Congratulations to Coach Izzo and the men's MSU Spartan Basketball Team! Thanks for another great season!
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Go Green!! ...Spartans not Leprechauns
Sometimes you just gotta put aside your focus on all things special needs and try to put some much-needed balance back into your life. That's what I'm doing today.
I'm a wee bit Irish (aren't most us?!?) so my focus today is all about being green. But I'm not talking about the green of Leprechaun lore and colorful beverages that make you a wee bit giddy.
I'm talking about MSU Spartan basketball!
I admit I'm not much of a sports fan, although I have suddenly adopted my husband's life-long passion for Tiger baseball. You live together long enough, and those kind of strange things begin to happen.
But I do love my Michigan State Spartans (my alma mater). I'm a big fan of coach Tom Izzo, who with all his coaching fame seems to still have his head on straight, and his ego in check. Plus, he's built a terrific program focused on nurturing, even demanding, the responsible growth of his players both on and off the court, something alone worthy of recognition. Each year, Izzo's program is filled with talent, integrity and class, and good kids.
How often can we use those words when talking sports today?
NCAA tourney time, complete with the Green & White, comes along just when us hearty Michiganders are in desperate need of some real proof that winter weather is almost history. That sleepy groundhog 'Pete' just loves tormenting us with that all shadow no shadow stuff...... But if Tourney time is here, it must be Spring, right?
Today, my team, a #9 seed, is clearly the underdog in the NCAA round two game with the highly favored #1 seed, North Carolina. That's a fact, we know it because they say it's so in all that rabid media coverage by all those people supposedly in the know.
But the Spartans and their die-hard fans are used to being underdogs, especially during football season when we have to boldy face my twin sister's alma mater, the Michigan Wolverines. That record? Not so great.
But we're talking basketball now, folks. Being the underdog is a role that we Spartan fans even relish at times. It makes us who we are. 'Cause just when the bulk of the positive kudos is going to the other team, the big Green machine likes to sneak up and spoil the party-- and screw up the odds.
And that's exactly what those of us who bleed Green/White are hoping will happen tonight!
Afterall, today is St. Patrick's Day, the day when we celebrate and honor all things green, right? And there's nary a Wolverine in sight....
Go Spartans!
May the Luck 'O the Irish be with you tonight!
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
I'm a wee bit Irish (aren't most us?!?) so my focus today is all about being green. But I'm not talking about the green of Leprechaun lore and colorful beverages that make you a wee bit giddy.
I'm talking about MSU Spartan basketball!
I admit I'm not much of a sports fan, although I have suddenly adopted my husband's life-long passion for Tiger baseball. You live together long enough, and those kind of strange things begin to happen.
But I do love my Michigan State Spartans (my alma mater). I'm a big fan of coach Tom Izzo, who with all his coaching fame seems to still have his head on straight, and his ego in check. Plus, he's built a terrific program focused on nurturing, even demanding, the responsible growth of his players both on and off the court, something alone worthy of recognition. Each year, Izzo's program is filled with talent, integrity and class, and good kids.
How often can we use those words when talking sports today?
NCAA tourney time, complete with the Green & White, comes along just when us hearty Michiganders are in desperate need of some real proof that winter weather is almost history. That sleepy groundhog 'Pete' just loves tormenting us with that all shadow no shadow stuff...... But if Tourney time is here, it must be Spring, right?
Today, my team, a #9 seed, is clearly the underdog in the NCAA round two game with the highly favored #1 seed, North Carolina. That's a fact, we know it because they say it's so in all that rabid media coverage by all those people supposedly in the know.
But the Spartans and their die-hard fans are used to being underdogs, especially during football season when we have to boldy face my twin sister's alma mater, the Michigan Wolverines. That record? Not so great.
But we're talking basketball now, folks. Being the underdog is a role that we Spartan fans even relish at times. It makes us who we are. 'Cause just when the bulk of the positive kudos is going to the other team, the big Green machine likes to sneak up and spoil the party-- and screw up the odds.
And that's exactly what those of us who bleed Green/White are hoping will happen tonight!
Afterall, today is St. Patrick's Day, the day when we celebrate and honor all things green, right? And there's nary a Wolverine in sight....
Go Spartans!
May the Luck 'O the Irish be with you tonight!
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Thursday, March 15, 2007
San Francisco/Bay Area Campaign- A Writer's Dream!
If there's one thing you learn fast as an author in today's publishing world it's this: If you want your book to stay alive in the competitive publishing marketplace, you had better be willing to help promote and market it, continually. (Btw: that often means hiring a publicist, so budget for it! I'm fortunate to have Kathlene Carney on my team. But I digress...).
I know most wannabe authors don't want to hear about their role in promotion and marketing. Afterall, most writers would rather be sitting on their behinds doing what they love most--writing. I understand well that passionate, creative, gypsy like urge that makes us want to hide out and weave words together.
It is what we do, afterall.
But promo/marketing/media interviews is part of today's publishing world. It goes with the new territory and those expecting otherwise (with rare exceptions of the 'Harry Potter' magnitude) will be disappointed, even disallusioned if left unprepared for this surprising reality.
Like other businesses, the publishing industry is dealing with on-going reductions in budgets, staffing and bottom lines. That means authors are expected to step up and fill the void. Plus, authors know their work best. No one is as vested in the book's outcome or how it is received in the public eye than the writer, who lives and breathes the work for months, even years. Once the flush of the initial publishing courtship dance is over, the new author must promote, too.
That said, I've just completed one national radio campaign, although some of the interviews are still to air. Everyone I worked with was terrific! But I'm already movin on. After a few stops in between, including the Bucks County Conference near Philly, I'll be heading to the San Francisco/Bay area in April, and I couldn't be more delighted. The Bay area is home to my publisher, my editor, my publicist, and until recently, my agent, who's now exploring life in Oregon.
Lots of good folks call the Golden State home, and I have been the beneficiary of some of their great publishing expertise. Plus, it's just beautiful country. It's no wonder people leave their hearts there...
In case you want to know more, here's that campaign info!
SAN FRANCISCO CAMPAIGN
(Please check back often – schedule subject to daily updates.)
Judy Winter, award-winning writer, national speaker and the author of Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations, will hold a talk and book signing at Towne Center Books, 555 Main Street, in Pleasanton, CA on Friday, April 20th at 1 p.m., and at the Pleasanton Library, 400 Bernal Avenue, CA on Monday, April 16th at 7 p.m. The author will also be a guest on the KNTV program Bay Area Today on Monday, April 16th and on KGO-TV's The View from the Bay on Tuesday, April 17th. Judy will conclude her visit to the Bay area with a presentation at the Resolve NC Adoption Pathways Symposium at the Bay School Campus in San Francisco on Saturday, April 21st. For more on Judy's schedule and her on-going work on special needs, visit: JudyWinter.com.
Detailed Schedule:
Monday, 4/16/07-Bay Area Today-NBC Affiliate KNTV-TV/ 10 a.m. to 11 a.m.
Monday, 4/16/07—Public Affairs Show, Alice • KLLC, Live 105, and Movin' 99.7 (Taped-TBA) • San Francisco, CA
Monday, 4/16/07—Author Event • 7 p.m. • Pleasanton Library • Pleasanton, CA
Tuesday, 4/17/07-Benefit Magazine Radio Show with Ruby Rippey Tourk/ Interview Taped-Airdate TBA /San Francisco, CA
Tuesday, 4/17/07-Guest on The View from the Bay, KGO-TV (ABC affiliate), 3-4 p.m. PT/ San Francisco, CA
Thursday, 4/19/07—Conversations with Robin Fahr, TV30 Tri-Valley Community Television (Taped-TBA) • Pleasanton, CA
Friday, 4/20/07—Author Event/Signing • 1 p.m. • Towne Center Books • Pleasanton, CA
Saturday, 4/21/07—Presentation/Book Signing: Adoption Pathways Symposium/The Bay School Campus • San Francisco CA a.m.
Saturday, 4/21/07-Interview with Peter Finch-KFOG Morning Show, San Francisco, CA/(Interview taped-Airdate TBA)
PLUS-Another Interview on the East Coast!
Friday, March 30: Live Interview on The Lisa Birnbach Show / 9:15 to 9:45 a.m./ New York City/ http://greenstoneradio.com
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
I know most wannabe authors don't want to hear about their role in promotion and marketing. Afterall, most writers would rather be sitting on their behinds doing what they love most--writing. I understand well that passionate, creative, gypsy like urge that makes us want to hide out and weave words together.
It is what we do, afterall.
But promo/marketing/media interviews is part of today's publishing world. It goes with the new territory and those expecting otherwise (with rare exceptions of the 'Harry Potter' magnitude) will be disappointed, even disallusioned if left unprepared for this surprising reality.
Like other businesses, the publishing industry is dealing with on-going reductions in budgets, staffing and bottom lines. That means authors are expected to step up and fill the void. Plus, authors know their work best. No one is as vested in the book's outcome or how it is received in the public eye than the writer, who lives and breathes the work for months, even years. Once the flush of the initial publishing courtship dance is over, the new author must promote, too.
That said, I've just completed one national radio campaign, although some of the interviews are still to air. Everyone I worked with was terrific! But I'm already movin on. After a few stops in between, including the Bucks County Conference near Philly, I'll be heading to the San Francisco/Bay area in April, and I couldn't be more delighted. The Bay area is home to my publisher, my editor, my publicist, and until recently, my agent, who's now exploring life in Oregon.
Lots of good folks call the Golden State home, and I have been the beneficiary of some of their great publishing expertise. Plus, it's just beautiful country. It's no wonder people leave their hearts there...
In case you want to know more, here's that campaign info!
SAN FRANCISCO CAMPAIGN
(Please check back often – schedule subject to daily updates.)
Judy Winter, award-winning writer, national speaker and the author of Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations, will hold a talk and book signing at Towne Center Books, 555 Main Street, in Pleasanton, CA on Friday, April 20th at 1 p.m., and at the Pleasanton Library, 400 Bernal Avenue, CA on Monday, April 16th at 7 p.m. The author will also be a guest on the KNTV program Bay Area Today on Monday, April 16th and on KGO-TV's The View from the Bay on Tuesday, April 17th. Judy will conclude her visit to the Bay area with a presentation at the Resolve NC Adoption Pathways Symposium at the Bay School Campus in San Francisco on Saturday, April 21st. For more on Judy's schedule and her on-going work on special needs, visit: JudyWinter.com.
Detailed Schedule:
Monday, 4/16/07-Bay Area Today-NBC Affiliate KNTV-TV/ 10 a.m. to 11 a.m.
Monday, 4/16/07—Public Affairs Show, Alice • KLLC, Live 105, and Movin' 99.7 (Taped-TBA) • San Francisco, CA
Monday, 4/16/07—Author Event • 7 p.m. • Pleasanton Library • Pleasanton, CA
Tuesday, 4/17/07-Benefit Magazine Radio Show with Ruby Rippey Tourk/ Interview Taped-Airdate TBA /San Francisco, CA
Tuesday, 4/17/07-Guest on The View from the Bay, KGO-TV (ABC affiliate), 3-4 p.m. PT/ San Francisco, CA
Thursday, 4/19/07—Conversations with Robin Fahr, TV30 Tri-Valley Community Television (Taped-TBA) • Pleasanton, CA
Friday, 4/20/07—Author Event/Signing • 1 p.m. • Towne Center Books • Pleasanton, CA
Saturday, 4/21/07—Presentation/Book Signing: Adoption Pathways Symposium/The Bay School Campus • San Francisco CA a.m.
Saturday, 4/21/07-Interview with Peter Finch-KFOG Morning Show, San Francisco, CA/(Interview taped-Airdate TBA)
PLUS-Another Interview on the East Coast!
Friday, March 30: Live Interview on The Lisa Birnbach Show / 9:15 to 9:45 a.m./ New York City/ http://greenstoneradio.com
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Facing the Unexpected
Do you have those days when you wonder if the universe is working overtime in the tough-news department solely for your benefit?
I'm not talking about what's being covered by Wolf Blitzer in the CNN Situation Room. I'm talking about the kind of real-life drama that immediately disrupts our daily personal lives and schedules and messes with our heads-- and with our hearts, no matter what other wonderful stuff is coming our way.
In the past few weeks, I have taken in the shocking news/funeral of the suicide of a friend's teenage son, the threat by another, breast cancer within my closest inner circle, a friend's surgery, the senseless murder of the wonderful gallery owner of the charming venue where I held my book release party last year, and the fourth anniversary of my son's death. All this, while good things continue to happen in my professional life.
It can be tough to catch your breath or enjoy your successes when this kind of news just keeps on coming at you. Unfortunately, I've had more than my share of practice in coping with bad news in life. Perhaps, that makes me more skilled than most when it comes to survival.
This kind of news always serves as a humble reminder of how fragile life really is, and how important it is that we live it well each day. Someone more jaded might call these simple words trite. My life experiences has proved them true.
When life deals us and those closest to us the toughest of news, how do we cope well? How do we boldy emerge from under the covers and take on the dicey adventures of another day?
Me? Well first, I take a really deep breath or two and then let them out, along with some powerful tears, a few choice words and ultimately a prayer. Then, I go write. 'Cause purging myself through the written word is how I have always coped best with life's sometimes crummy, unpredictable twists and turns.
Writing it all down completely unedited never fails to help me set my emotional demons free and regain my footing....at least for a little while. That footing then allows me to move forward in more productive ways, maybe even offer a much-needed shoulder, some chicken soup, or supportive words on a beautiful card to a hurting friend. That kind of human action and warm touch offers healing both ways.
Now, how about you?
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
I'm not talking about what's being covered by Wolf Blitzer in the CNN Situation Room. I'm talking about the kind of real-life drama that immediately disrupts our daily personal lives and schedules and messes with our heads-- and with our hearts, no matter what other wonderful stuff is coming our way.
In the past few weeks, I have taken in the shocking news/funeral of the suicide of a friend's teenage son, the threat by another, breast cancer within my closest inner circle, a friend's surgery, the senseless murder of the wonderful gallery owner of the charming venue where I held my book release party last year, and the fourth anniversary of my son's death. All this, while good things continue to happen in my professional life.
It can be tough to catch your breath or enjoy your successes when this kind of news just keeps on coming at you. Unfortunately, I've had more than my share of practice in coping with bad news in life. Perhaps, that makes me more skilled than most when it comes to survival.
This kind of news always serves as a humble reminder of how fragile life really is, and how important it is that we live it well each day. Someone more jaded might call these simple words trite. My life experiences has proved them true.
When life deals us and those closest to us the toughest of news, how do we cope well? How do we boldy emerge from under the covers and take on the dicey adventures of another day?
Me? Well first, I take a really deep breath or two and then let them out, along with some powerful tears, a few choice words and ultimately a prayer. Then, I go write. 'Cause purging myself through the written word is how I have always coped best with life's sometimes crummy, unpredictable twists and turns.
Writing it all down completely unedited never fails to help me set my emotional demons free and regain my footing....at least for a little while. That footing then allows me to move forward in more productive ways, maybe even offer a much-needed shoulder, some chicken soup, or supportive words on a beautiful card to a hurting friend. That kind of human action and warm touch offers healing both ways.
Now, how about you?
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Sunday, March 11, 2007
March is Brain Injury Awareness Month
Did you know that March is Brain Injury Awareness Month?
Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI as it's more commonly known, is one of those injuries that can happen to anyone at anytime. If you or a family member is living with the results of a traumatic brain injury, first, know that you are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) each year approximately 1.4 million Americans sustain a blow or injury to the brain that may result in on-going special needs.
For more information on living with TBI, visit the Brain Injury Association of America where you can download a free Brain Injury Awareness Month Kit: http://www.biausa.org/Pages/biam2005.html.
And please, make sure that your kids, and you, wear helmets when riding bikes and scooters or engaging in risky sports. That's just one way that you can help reduce the chances that a TBI will impact the lives of those you love most.
This is one disability that you can help prevent.
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Traumatic Brain Injury, or TBI as it's more commonly known, is one of those injuries that can happen to anyone at anytime. If you or a family member is living with the results of a traumatic brain injury, first, know that you are not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) each year approximately 1.4 million Americans sustain a blow or injury to the brain that may result in on-going special needs.
For more information on living with TBI, visit the Brain Injury Association of America where you can download a free Brain Injury Awareness Month Kit: http://www.biausa.org/Pages/biam2005.html.
And please, make sure that your kids, and you, wear helmets when riding bikes and scooters or engaging in risky sports. That's just one way that you can help reduce the chances that a TBI will impact the lives of those you love most.
This is one disability that you can help prevent.
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Honoring Dana Reeve's Legacy
Amid all the so-called news about Britney and Anna Nicole and yet another American Idol controversy, it hardly seems possible that this week also represents the first anniversary of the death of someone worthy of our attention.
Dana Reeve was a remarkable human being, and one great example of how to live life well under the toughest of circumstances. At a time when our society is in dire need of positive role models, Dana Reeve is deserving of our pause, our reflection and yes, our news coverage. As I continue my work on special needs, Dana Reeve remains one of my greatest life examples and I will not forget her.
It seems like only yesterday that the shocking news of her lung cancer diagnosis, and ultimately her death, was reported in the media. Because I had interviewed Dana Reeve for my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs just weeks before her diagnosis, the news hit me hard. The loss of both Christopher and Dana Reeve was a blow to those of us who care deeply about improving the lives of individuals with special needs.
Few in history have done as much as this terrific twosome did to create much-needed awareness of the value of those with special needs. They recognized the critical need for good research, resources and support to address the daily struggles faced by millions of people with disabilities worldwide. They made crucial political inroads with policy makers in Washington.
Their passionate, ground-breaking work and advocacy should never be forgotten. It must continue. Theirs is a solid foundation upon which other valuable special needs advocay work is being built today.
In the words of Christopher Reeve, we must go forward.
That's why I encourage you to recognize this important anniversary by supporting the work of their foundation, work that is today spearheaded, in part, by the Reeve's children. To learn more about about how you can help honor the lives of these two special needs giants and continue their legacy, please visit what is now called the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation at www.christopherreeve.org, and consider giving a gift. It's one simple way to make sure that your voice is heard, too.
That is exactly what I am going to do...cause I am so over the whole idea of Britney and Anna Nicole and naughty girls gone American Idol as newsworthy...
Please join me in paying tribute to something that really matters.
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
JudyWinter.com
Dana Reeve was a remarkable human being, and one great example of how to live life well under the toughest of circumstances. At a time when our society is in dire need of positive role models, Dana Reeve is deserving of our pause, our reflection and yes, our news coverage. As I continue my work on special needs, Dana Reeve remains one of my greatest life examples and I will not forget her.
It seems like only yesterday that the shocking news of her lung cancer diagnosis, and ultimately her death, was reported in the media. Because I had interviewed Dana Reeve for my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs just weeks before her diagnosis, the news hit me hard. The loss of both Christopher and Dana Reeve was a blow to those of us who care deeply about improving the lives of individuals with special needs.
Few in history have done as much as this terrific twosome did to create much-needed awareness of the value of those with special needs. They recognized the critical need for good research, resources and support to address the daily struggles faced by millions of people with disabilities worldwide. They made crucial political inroads with policy makers in Washington.
Their passionate, ground-breaking work and advocacy should never be forgotten. It must continue. Theirs is a solid foundation upon which other valuable special needs advocay work is being built today.
In the words of Christopher Reeve, we must go forward.
That's why I encourage you to recognize this important anniversary by supporting the work of their foundation, work that is today spearheaded, in part, by the Reeve's children. To learn more about about how you can help honor the lives of these two special needs giants and continue their legacy, please visit what is now called the Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation at www.christopherreeve.org, and consider giving a gift. It's one simple way to make sure that your voice is heard, too.
That is exactly what I am going to do...cause I am so over the whole idea of Britney and Anna Nicole and naughty girls gone American Idol as newsworthy...
Please join me in paying tribute to something that really matters.
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
JudyWinter.com
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
National Radio Campaign Schedule for Breakthrough Parenting
For those of you who would like to hear me talk about my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations check out my 2007 National Talk Radio Schedule below. You can check for regular updates on my website JudyWinter.com. You can also find my 2007 national speaking schedule & book signings there.
Through 2007, I'll be doing my best to make sure the family voice is heard on important issues impacting special needs families, including adding my take on the recent Ashley Treatment controversy. Feel free to write and tell me what issues you most want address in the media. I'll take your concerns with me. jappwinter@aol.com (no attachments, please!).
Through 2007, I'll be doing my best to make sure the family voice is heard on important issues impacting special needs families, including adding my take on the recent Ashley Treatment controversy. Feel free to write and tell me what issues you most want address in the media. I'll take your concerns with me. jappwinter@aol.com (no attachments, please!).
Listen to Judy’s 2007 National Talk Radio Interviews!
Please check back often— schedule subject to daily updates.
Fri. 1/19/07— KXEN-AM 1010- St. Louis, IL / (Interview Taped)
Interview Airs: 1/20@ 7 a.m. ET & 1/23 @ 8:45 p.m. ET
Jay Madas-Host/ Simulcast www.kxen1010am.com
Fri. 1/19/07— WMUZ-FM 103.5 / Detroit/ The Bob Dutko Show /1:30 p.m. ET/ Bob Dutko-Host/ www.wmuz.com
Thurs. 1/25/07-- WPTF-AM 680-Raleigh, NC/ North Carolina's Morning News with Jack Boston / 8:10 a.m. ET /Jack Boston-Host/ www.wptf.com
Fri. 1/26/07- WIBQ-AM 1220 / Sarasota, FL / 8:20 a.m. ET
Rochelle Herman-Host / simulcast at www.newstalk1220.com
Sat. 1/27/07 & Sun. 1/28/07- KCBC AM 770/ San Francisco/ 9 p.m. PT/Midnight ET/Community Focus with Pamela Reddington/ www.770kcbc.com
Tues. 1/30/07— WACK-AM 1420/ Rochester, NY/ 8:40 a.m. ET
Dr. Rus Jeffrey-Host/ www.1420wack.com
Wed. 1/31/07— Issues Today Radio Network/ Originating from Los Angeles/ Broadcast on 188 stations nationwide-check web for stations/ (Interview Taped-TBA) Bob Gourley-Host/ www.issuestodayradio.com
Sun. 2/4/07— WDTK-AM 1440- Detroit/ Disabilites Today/ 11 a.m. to noon ET/Roger McCarville-Host/ www.wdtkam.com
Mon. 2/5/07— WAWZ-FM Star 99.1 / New York City/ 10:30 a.m. ET (Taped-TBA)
Michael Leach-Host/ www.star991fm.com
Mon. 2/5/07- KPTK-AM 1090 /Seattle/ 1 p.m./ ET Taped-TBA/ Tami Kosch-Host/ www.am1090seattle.com
Wed. 2/7/07— WNTN-AM 1550/ Boston/ 11:00 a.m./ Paul Roberts-Host/ simulcast on www.wntn.com
Mon. 2/12/07- WBZ-News Radio 1030/ Boston/ The Jordan Rich Show/ 11:30 a.m. ET/ Taped-TBA/Jordan Rich-Host/ www.wbz.com
Wed. 2/14/07— WFHM-FM 95.5 & WHK-AM 1220/ Cleveland/ 11:30 a.m. ET (Taped-TBA)/ Family Matters/Caroline Kruse & Jacquie Chakirelis-Co-Hosts/ www.955thefish.com
Fri. 2/16/07-Conscious Talk Radio Network/ Washington State/ 10:33 a.m. ET/ 7:33 a.m. PT/ Rob Spears & Brenda Michaels-Hosts/ simulcast @www.conscioustalk.net
Mon. 2/21/07-Autism One Radio /Worldwide Broadcast/ 10 a.m. ET-(Interview Taped-TBA)/ Randy & Sandy Waters-Hosts/ www.autismone.org
Wed. 2/21/07— WOGL-FM 98.1 Philadelphia/ (Interview Taped-TBA)
Brad Segall-Host/ www.wogl.com
Weekend of Feb. 24/25-airing of interview taped Mon. 2/12/07- WBZ-Talk News Radio 1030/ Boston/ The Jordan Rich Show/Jordan Rich-Host/ www.wbz1030.com
Sun. 2/25/07-KPTK-AM 1090 /Seattle/ (taped on 2/5/07)/ 7 a.m. PT/ 10 a.m. ET/Community Matters with Tami Kosch-Host/ www.am1090seattle.com
Mon. 2/26/07-Dr. Pat Show/ National/ 11 a.m.- Noon ET/ 8 a.m.-9 a.m. PT/Dr. Pat Baccili-Host/ www.HealthyLife.net
Weekend of March 3rd & 4th, 2007-Issues Today Radio Network Interview (Taped in February) program originates from LA, airs at 188 stations nationwide/ Check www.issuestodayradio.com For listing of all national affiliates- then check that station for broadcast time
WILS AM 1320, Ebling & You/ 5:35 p.m. ET/ Host-Jack Ebling/ Lansing, MI
JudyWinter.com
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Get Organized!
With 2007 just a couple of weeks old and many kids back in school, now is a great time to get a handle on all of that paperwork generated by your child's special needs. I know firsthand how easily, and how quickly, all those reports and other documents can take over your house - and your life.
It's time to get organized!
When you need to put your hands on important information quickly, and end up spending valuable time searching through mounds of paper and notebooks to find it, that adds to your stress load. Most families of children with special needs already have far too much stress in their lives, right?
That's why I'm a big fan of good organization!
Don't let the nasty paperwork trail take command of your life! This is something you can fix, and you can begin anytime the organizational spirit moves you. For most of us, the activity will prove relatively painless, and anyone can do it in the privacy of their own home.
Be aware that the earlier in your child's life that you begin this habit, the less 'catch up' work there will be waiting for you down the road. That will make your job easier. If your child is older and you have accumulated a much larger paper trail, try to break it down into more manageable chunks. Then, make a commitment to doing a little bit each week until you have it all organized.
Your actions will pay off in spades as you prepare more easily and more effectively for all those stressful and on-going meetings and appointments, including annual IEPT meetings. That helps fuel parent empowerment!
Here's my simple formula for getting a grip on your child's records:
-First, get yourself some colorful file folders, stickers, and three-ring binders. I vote for anything that looks less institutional! Also, purchase some black markers or make sure the ones you have are still going strong. If you prefer colorful markers, use 'em. Just make sure you can read them easily when searching through your files.
The purpose of getting organized is to reduce stress, not increase it.
-Next: Create whatever and however many files you need for categorizing your child's life needs, esp those that generate reports of any kind. Here's a sample of the kinds of files you may want to create: Medical (you may prefer separate files for physicians, specialists and hospitalizations)/Education/Individual Services (OT/PT/Speech)/Misc Programs & Activities/ Childcare-Respite/Personal (may include a favorite photo, birthday card, a child's artwork, etc).
-Once you have gathered the materials you need, find a good working space where you can keep everything out for a few days as a continued work in progress. If you have to remove everything to serve dinner each night, use a laundry basket.
-Gather all your supplies. Put on your favorite music, and don't be shy! Sing along loudly. It helps up the mood and energy for the task at hand.
-Sort through all your paperwork and place all reports/paperwork into the appropriate piles and label those piles so you can easily add to them.
-Organize the paperwork and throw out anything you don't need, including duplicates (shred any paperwork that has sensitive information). Reducing the load will help you keep your files more manageable. Don't throw away any important official documents (i.e. IEP, therapy reports, etc), or those with special sentimental value.
-I suggest placing one copy of official reports into appropriately labeled three-ring binders so you can find them when needing additional copies for meetings.
-Label the folders and/or binders.
-Place important papers into folder so that you can easily access them as needed. Keeping track of medical records will help you hand over a copy of your child's history quickly during visits to specialists and for hospitalizations without relying on your memory, something especially tough to do during stressful visits or emergencies.
If age/ability allow, invite your child to help you decorate the files with stickers, etc. to make them even more user friendly. Help your children feel part of the decision-making process about their own life (think self determination!).
-When finished, place the files/binders alpabetically in a file cabinet or other storage place where you can easily put your hands on them. If you need to purchase storage boxes for this purpose, make sure you do that before starting the process.
-Update the files regularly so you don't fall too far behind on your paperwork (reduce stress!). Schedule a time each week to address filing neeeds.
-Also,provide a corresponding file on your computer where you can add the most critical dates and details so you can also easily print out a copy without going through all the records in your child's files.
Getting organized can help you to become a more empowererd parent by allowing you to easily access the information needed to address your child's medical, educational and other needs more accurately, and more productively.
Finally, don't forget to have fun! We can all use a bit more of that in our lives!
Let me know about all the creative ways in which you make this project even more productive and fun! email: jappwinter@aol.com.
Now go to it!
JudyWinter.com
Author: Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
It's time to get organized!
When you need to put your hands on important information quickly, and end up spending valuable time searching through mounds of paper and notebooks to find it, that adds to your stress load. Most families of children with special needs already have far too much stress in their lives, right?
That's why I'm a big fan of good organization!
Don't let the nasty paperwork trail take command of your life! This is something you can fix, and you can begin anytime the organizational spirit moves you. For most of us, the activity will prove relatively painless, and anyone can do it in the privacy of their own home.
Be aware that the earlier in your child's life that you begin this habit, the less 'catch up' work there will be waiting for you down the road. That will make your job easier. If your child is older and you have accumulated a much larger paper trail, try to break it down into more manageable chunks. Then, make a commitment to doing a little bit each week until you have it all organized.
Your actions will pay off in spades as you prepare more easily and more effectively for all those stressful and on-going meetings and appointments, including annual IEPT meetings. That helps fuel parent empowerment!
Here's my simple formula for getting a grip on your child's records:
-First, get yourself some colorful file folders, stickers, and three-ring binders. I vote for anything that looks less institutional! Also, purchase some black markers or make sure the ones you have are still going strong. If you prefer colorful markers, use 'em. Just make sure you can read them easily when searching through your files.
The purpose of getting organized is to reduce stress, not increase it.
-Next: Create whatever and however many files you need for categorizing your child's life needs, esp those that generate reports of any kind. Here's a sample of the kinds of files you may want to create: Medical (you may prefer separate files for physicians, specialists and hospitalizations)/Education/Individual Services (OT/PT/Speech)/Misc Programs & Activities/ Childcare-Respite/Personal (may include a favorite photo, birthday card, a child's artwork, etc).
-Once you have gathered the materials you need, find a good working space where you can keep everything out for a few days as a continued work in progress. If you have to remove everything to serve dinner each night, use a laundry basket.
-Gather all your supplies. Put on your favorite music, and don't be shy! Sing along loudly. It helps up the mood and energy for the task at hand.
-Sort through all your paperwork and place all reports/paperwork into the appropriate piles and label those piles so you can easily add to them.
-Organize the paperwork and throw out anything you don't need, including duplicates (shred any paperwork that has sensitive information). Reducing the load will help you keep your files more manageable. Don't throw away any important official documents (i.e. IEP, therapy reports, etc), or those with special sentimental value.
-I suggest placing one copy of official reports into appropriately labeled three-ring binders so you can find them when needing additional copies for meetings.
-Label the folders and/or binders.
-Place important papers into folder so that you can easily access them as needed. Keeping track of medical records will help you hand over a copy of your child's history quickly during visits to specialists and for hospitalizations without relying on your memory, something especially tough to do during stressful visits or emergencies.
If age/ability allow, invite your child to help you decorate the files with stickers, etc. to make them even more user friendly. Help your children feel part of the decision-making process about their own life (think self determination!).
-When finished, place the files/binders alpabetically in a file cabinet or other storage place where you can easily put your hands on them. If you need to purchase storage boxes for this purpose, make sure you do that before starting the process.
-Update the files regularly so you don't fall too far behind on your paperwork (reduce stress!). Schedule a time each week to address filing neeeds.
-Also,provide a corresponding file on your computer where you can add the most critical dates and details so you can also easily print out a copy without going through all the records in your child's files.
Getting organized can help you to become a more empowererd parent by allowing you to easily access the information needed to address your child's medical, educational and other needs more accurately, and more productively.
Finally, don't forget to have fun! We can all use a bit more of that in our lives!
Let me know about all the creative ways in which you make this project even more productive and fun! email: jappwinter@aol.com.
Now go to it!
JudyWinter.com
Author: Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Monday, January 15, 2007
I Have a Dream, Too, Dr. King
Today, the nation pays tribute to the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, and rightly so.
Still,I can’t help but ask why so many discussions involving discrimination and equal rights focus mainly on race. Skin color represents one form of injustice against which we must be vigilant. But the definition of discrimination is much broader. Discrimination involves more than only race, something those with special needs understand far too well. That's why I believe we should all take time to understand and reflect on the meaning and power of today's celebration.
Robert F. Kennedy once said, "When the rights of one are denied, the rights of all are endangered." Like Kennedy, Dr. King knew this reality well and spoke eloquently about it. As someone who parented a child with cerebral palsy for nearly thirteen years, I understand the power of that statement well, too.
It wasn’t race that first inspired me to embrace the doctrine of equal rights, although I support the continued struggle for racial equality. It was my challenging role as the parent of a child with a disability.
I am an upper-middle class, white female with a successful career as an author, journalist and speaker on special needs issues. I have been married to the same man for thirty years. I have two children and live in an upper-middle class suburb, complete with a white picket fence. I have never gone to bed hungry, experienced homelessness or been the victim of racial profiling.
But I’ve felt the sting of discrimination intended to deny someone basic human rights. My brushes with intolerance stemmed from the limiting words and actions directed toward my son, who had cerebral palsy and used a wheelchair. Eric passed away in February 2003 at the tender age of twelve, but each act of intolerance directed toward him is forever deeply etched in my mind.
From all the outward appearances, no one would believe that I would be the subject of discrimination. Our definition is too narrow, something that allows many people to easily turn the other cheek to this discussion.
Fifty-four million Americans have disabilities; 170 million people worldwide have intellectual disabilities. People with special needs represent the largest minority group in this country, but their struggles are rarely included in discussions of discrimination and equality. Yet, the societal struggles faced by people of race closely mirrored those of my son, making the fight for equal rights increasingly relevant to my own life, too.
Eric could not walk or throw a baseball, tie his shoes or speak full sentences. Were it not for my passionate commitment to him, he might have been denied access to his neighborhood school or missed outings because of accessibility issues he could neither address nor resolve. My demanding advocacy role has granted me renewed appreciation for the Civil Rights Movement for the work of Dr. King, and for the struggles and accomplishments of those with disabilities, achievements that too often go unrecognized.
I have renewed respect for the passionate commitment of those involved in the Women’s Suffrage Movement, and the tireless work of visionaries like Jesus, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa. Because of Eric’s needs, I’ve learned that discrimination isn’t always about skin color. Often it represents a blatant disregard and intolerance for human differences, be it race, ability, age, appearances, sexual orientation or cultural beliefs. We can and must do better by all people.
With a solid focus on my child’s intrinsic value, I worked hard to counter stereotypes about him and others with disabilities, but it wasn’t easy. It still isn't. With his bright mind, eager spirit and remarkable patience, my son taught me volumes about forgiveness and the value of diversity, and the importance of speaking up for individual justice.
My advocacy hasn’t been free of heartache.
In an increasingly diverse society, we are all beneficiaries of the work of those who fight discrimination in any form. Only circumstances separate us. As Dr. King eloquently stated in his now famous speech, “What impacts one, impacts all.” Our discussions about discrimination and equal rights should include a broader understanding of its impact on all of society, including those with special needs.
Dr. Martin Luther King's message was one of equality, peace and justice. He had a dream that all people who suffer at the hands of discrimination of any form would be truly free. I share that dream, Mr. King. That is why I recognize Martin Luther King Day, and that's why I believe that all those who care about individuals with special needs should, too.
My dream for a better life for my son, and millions of other children with disabilites, lives on. I know that Dr. King would support my dream, too.
Still,I can’t help but ask why so many discussions involving discrimination and equal rights focus mainly on race. Skin color represents one form of injustice against which we must be vigilant. But the definition of discrimination is much broader. Discrimination involves more than only race, something those with special needs understand far too well. That's why I believe we should all take time to understand and reflect on the meaning and power of today's celebration.
Robert F. Kennedy once said, "When the rights of one are denied, the rights of all are endangered." Like Kennedy, Dr. King knew this reality well and spoke eloquently about it. As someone who parented a child with cerebral palsy for nearly thirteen years, I understand the power of that statement well, too.
It wasn’t race that first inspired me to embrace the doctrine of equal rights, although I support the continued struggle for racial equality. It was my challenging role as the parent of a child with a disability.
I am an upper-middle class, white female with a successful career as an author, journalist and speaker on special needs issues. I have been married to the same man for thirty years. I have two children and live in an upper-middle class suburb, complete with a white picket fence. I have never gone to bed hungry, experienced homelessness or been the victim of racial profiling.
But I’ve felt the sting of discrimination intended to deny someone basic human rights. My brushes with intolerance stemmed from the limiting words and actions directed toward my son, who had cerebral palsy and used a wheelchair. Eric passed away in February 2003 at the tender age of twelve, but each act of intolerance directed toward him is forever deeply etched in my mind.
From all the outward appearances, no one would believe that I would be the subject of discrimination. Our definition is too narrow, something that allows many people to easily turn the other cheek to this discussion.
Fifty-four million Americans have disabilities; 170 million people worldwide have intellectual disabilities. People with special needs represent the largest minority group in this country, but their struggles are rarely included in discussions of discrimination and equality. Yet, the societal struggles faced by people of race closely mirrored those of my son, making the fight for equal rights increasingly relevant to my own life, too.
Eric could not walk or throw a baseball, tie his shoes or speak full sentences. Were it not for my passionate commitment to him, he might have been denied access to his neighborhood school or missed outings because of accessibility issues he could neither address nor resolve. My demanding advocacy role has granted me renewed appreciation for the Civil Rights Movement for the work of Dr. King, and for the struggles and accomplishments of those with disabilities, achievements that too often go unrecognized.
I have renewed respect for the passionate commitment of those involved in the Women’s Suffrage Movement, and the tireless work of visionaries like Jesus, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa. Because of Eric’s needs, I’ve learned that discrimination isn’t always about skin color. Often it represents a blatant disregard and intolerance for human differences, be it race, ability, age, appearances, sexual orientation or cultural beliefs. We can and must do better by all people.
With a solid focus on my child’s intrinsic value, I worked hard to counter stereotypes about him and others with disabilities, but it wasn’t easy. It still isn't. With his bright mind, eager spirit and remarkable patience, my son taught me volumes about forgiveness and the value of diversity, and the importance of speaking up for individual justice.
My advocacy hasn’t been free of heartache.
In an increasingly diverse society, we are all beneficiaries of the work of those who fight discrimination in any form. Only circumstances separate us. As Dr. King eloquently stated in his now famous speech, “What impacts one, impacts all.” Our discussions about discrimination and equal rights should include a broader understanding of its impact on all of society, including those with special needs.
Dr. Martin Luther King's message was one of equality, peace and justice. He had a dream that all people who suffer at the hands of discrimination of any form would be truly free. I share that dream, Mr. King. That is why I recognize Martin Luther King Day, and that's why I believe that all those who care about individuals with special needs should, too.
My dream for a better life for my son, and millions of other children with disabilites, lives on. I know that Dr. King would support my dream, too.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
The Cemetery Gang Offers Support in Loss
When I was a child, cemeteries scared me to death.
I associated them with every terrifying image that I had ever seen in those scary Hollywood horror flicks of my childhood-- especially the one about the disembodied green hand that terrorized unsuspecting young lovers at those once hip drive-in movies. Years later, Michael Jackson's graphic Thriller video did little to help dispel these disturbing images when it aired repeatedly on MTV. I found myself going out of my way to avoid driving by cemeteries, especially late at night, when it was storming, or on Halloween when the spirits were said to be especially restless and feisty.
I didn’t understand that cemeteries could be places of great beauty and healing until my 12-year-old son, Eric, died suddenly in February 2003. Now, I’m part of the Cemetery Gang, a term my husband and I have coined for grieving adults of all ages who visit the cemetery searching for answers to life’s tough questions. Many of us have buried children.
We come to the cemetery looking for healing and relief from grief. Some days we find it.
Marcella is our gang leader and a friend to all. Her husband died seven years ago and she still mourns deeply. The petite, silver-tressed senior citizen serves as the living cemetery angel. She tells newcomers the best clippers to buy to trim around family gravesites, and where to buy candles that burn for hours, providing light for our loved ones on the darkest night. Eric was afraid of the dark, so that information has comforted us. She gently and confidently introduces the shell shocked to this new place of refuge.
Marcella shares cemetery expertise to help mend her own broken heart. She waters wilting flowers on children’s graves on the hottest days or when families try to out run tough emotions if only briefly by escaping out of town. When the grass surrounding our loved one's gravesites isn't groomed to family standards, it's Marcella who takes a gutsy stance and advocates for needed change.
When her husband died, cemetery rituals gave Marcella a reason to go on living.
The cemetery gang is only one blessing found here. The cemetery is an important social gathering spot where true community is still found. That’s a priceless gift when death blindsides you in the middle of the night and steals away your only son. The cemetery has become my refuge, my friend and confidant, a place where strangers share intimate details of a loved one’s death.
When the cemetery gang asks you how you’re doing, they listen to your answer.
Here, I have watched innocent children gently lay flowers on the fresh dirt of gravesites and realized that we’re not born fearing cemeteries. Still, cemeteries can be brutally honest. My son is buried near a college student who was murdered, a popular cheerleader who died of leukemia, an eight-year-old boy taken by sudden illness, and an infant girl who lived long enough to receive her name.
It’s common to see graduation hats, birthday balloons, enchanting angels, well-loved teddy bears, even Christmas trees at our children’s gravesites. These stark reminders that death doesn’t discriminate, impact how survivors walk. Our gaits are less steady, our immortality less certain. We grant strangers unconditional support. Instant friendships and loyalty are formed. There is little room here for meaningless, idle chit chat.
We protect each other's cemetery turf, and one another.
The cemetery now serves as my life raft in grief’s unpredictable raging storms. After being with my son, the rough waters of daily living seem somehow easier to navigate. I have rushed to the cemetery eager to share exciting news with Eric. Then the reality of his death slaps me hard again, and I wistfully add, ‘but you already knew that didn’t you?' I am convinced that my son now serves as my omnipotent, ever-present protector.’ In the rawest cemetery moments, I’m certain that Eric can see and hear me.
I associated them with every terrifying image that I had ever seen in those scary Hollywood horror flicks of my childhood-- especially the one about the disembodied green hand that terrorized unsuspecting young lovers at those once hip drive-in movies. Years later, Michael Jackson's graphic Thriller video did little to help dispel these disturbing images when it aired repeatedly on MTV. I found myself going out of my way to avoid driving by cemeteries, especially late at night, when it was storming, or on Halloween when the spirits were said to be especially restless and feisty.
I didn’t understand that cemeteries could be places of great beauty and healing until my 12-year-old son, Eric, died suddenly in February 2003. Now, I’m part of the Cemetery Gang, a term my husband and I have coined for grieving adults of all ages who visit the cemetery searching for answers to life’s tough questions. Many of us have buried children.
We come to the cemetery looking for healing and relief from grief. Some days we find it.
Marcella is our gang leader and a friend to all. Her husband died seven years ago and she still mourns deeply. The petite, silver-tressed senior citizen serves as the living cemetery angel. She tells newcomers the best clippers to buy to trim around family gravesites, and where to buy candles that burn for hours, providing light for our loved ones on the darkest night. Eric was afraid of the dark, so that information has comforted us. She gently and confidently introduces the shell shocked to this new place of refuge.
Marcella shares cemetery expertise to help mend her own broken heart. She waters wilting flowers on children’s graves on the hottest days or when families try to out run tough emotions if only briefly by escaping out of town. When the grass surrounding our loved one's gravesites isn't groomed to family standards, it's Marcella who takes a gutsy stance and advocates for needed change.
When her husband died, cemetery rituals gave Marcella a reason to go on living.
The cemetery gang is only one blessing found here. The cemetery is an important social gathering spot where true community is still found. That’s a priceless gift when death blindsides you in the middle of the night and steals away your only son. The cemetery has become my refuge, my friend and confidant, a place where strangers share intimate details of a loved one’s death.
When the cemetery gang asks you how you’re doing, they listen to your answer.
Here, I have watched innocent children gently lay flowers on the fresh dirt of gravesites and realized that we’re not born fearing cemeteries. Still, cemeteries can be brutally honest. My son is buried near a college student who was murdered, a popular cheerleader who died of leukemia, an eight-year-old boy taken by sudden illness, and an infant girl who lived long enough to receive her name.
It’s common to see graduation hats, birthday balloons, enchanting angels, well-loved teddy bears, even Christmas trees at our children’s gravesites. These stark reminders that death doesn’t discriminate, impact how survivors walk. Our gaits are less steady, our immortality less certain. We grant strangers unconditional support. Instant friendships and loyalty are formed. There is little room here for meaningless, idle chit chat.
We protect each other's cemetery turf, and one another.
The cemetery now serves as my life raft in grief’s unpredictable raging storms. After being with my son, the rough waters of daily living seem somehow easier to navigate. I have rushed to the cemetery eager to share exciting news with Eric. Then the reality of his death slaps me hard again, and I wistfully add, ‘but you already knew that didn’t you?' I am convinced that my son now serves as my omnipotent, ever-present protector.’ In the rawest cemetery moments, I’m certain that Eric can see and hear me.
Some days, I share my lunch.
I have reconnected with Eric graveside after rushing frantically to every room in my house, desperate for his scent, desperate to hold him. At my neighborhood cemetery, Eric is not lost, and neither am I.
There is comfort in cemetery rituals that defies explanation to those who have so far been saved from from this rocky path. No one escapes forever.
The cemetery offers me peace and resolution, solitude and friendship. The people here never tire of seemingly endless stories of loss, nor do they urge you to get over it and resume normal life, whatever that means. In the sacred stillness of this place, I can hear children playing on the nearby school playground where my son once played, and church bells ringing as the setting sun hides its face in a dense forest of trees. Here, I have argued tough faith issues with God, while cemetery birds sang bedtime lullabies to my son.
I have learned that cemeteries are resting places for the living. When the cards, phone calls and lasagna stop coming and people go back to business as usual, the grieving come here to remember. At the cemetery, I talk to my son and tell him how much I love him and always will. I grant myself permission to release powerful tears that have threatened to overwhelm me. I remember that Eric’s life and death both hold great meaning and promise to honor his remarkable legacy, whatever the cost.
The cemetery has made me increasingly bold. Life seems simpler, the choices clearer when you are standing on the tender grass or pristine snow of a loved one’s grave. Whatever time each of us has left is far too fragile to spend living with regret or anger. You learn to put one foot in front of the other and move forward, moment by moment, day by day, until the pain begins to ease and gentler breathing returns.
Somehow I have survived every parent’s nightmare. My son died suddenly from medical complications fueled by cerebral palsy. He died peacefully, but my grief is not less intense. My husband and I raised Eric as a child of value. He dreamed of studying music in college one day, a dream we planned to support fully. Hundreds attended Eric’s funeral, touched deeply by a life rich with promise and talent, one cut far too short. I remember all their words of love and support and admiration for my son- and remember how lucky I was, and am, to be Eric's mom.
Visiting Eric at the cemetery has helped me resume my passionate work as an author, journalist and speaker on disability parenting issues, important work he and I began. It’s work I now continue alone, fueled by Eric’s teachings and regular cemetery visits.
As I survey gravesites well tended and those rarely visited, I think Hollywood may have done a great disservice to many grieving souls by promoting cemeteries as places of fear and horror. Today, I know that cemeteries are instead peaceful places of healing and great beauty, and the Cemetery Gang understands far better than most that I didn’t bury a 'disabled' child whose value was too often questioned by society. I buried my beloved son.
In the neighborhood cemetery, everybody’s equal.
JudyWinter.com
Author:
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
I have reconnected with Eric graveside after rushing frantically to every room in my house, desperate for his scent, desperate to hold him. At my neighborhood cemetery, Eric is not lost, and neither am I.
There is comfort in cemetery rituals that defies explanation to those who have so far been saved from from this rocky path. No one escapes forever.
The cemetery offers me peace and resolution, solitude and friendship. The people here never tire of seemingly endless stories of loss, nor do they urge you to get over it and resume normal life, whatever that means. In the sacred stillness of this place, I can hear children playing on the nearby school playground where my son once played, and church bells ringing as the setting sun hides its face in a dense forest of trees. Here, I have argued tough faith issues with God, while cemetery birds sang bedtime lullabies to my son.
I have learned that cemeteries are resting places for the living. When the cards, phone calls and lasagna stop coming and people go back to business as usual, the grieving come here to remember. At the cemetery, I talk to my son and tell him how much I love him and always will. I grant myself permission to release powerful tears that have threatened to overwhelm me. I remember that Eric’s life and death both hold great meaning and promise to honor his remarkable legacy, whatever the cost.
The cemetery has made me increasingly bold. Life seems simpler, the choices clearer when you are standing on the tender grass or pristine snow of a loved one’s grave. Whatever time each of us has left is far too fragile to spend living with regret or anger. You learn to put one foot in front of the other and move forward, moment by moment, day by day, until the pain begins to ease and gentler breathing returns.
Somehow I have survived every parent’s nightmare. My son died suddenly from medical complications fueled by cerebral palsy. He died peacefully, but my grief is not less intense. My husband and I raised Eric as a child of value. He dreamed of studying music in college one day, a dream we planned to support fully. Hundreds attended Eric’s funeral, touched deeply by a life rich with promise and talent, one cut far too short. I remember all their words of love and support and admiration for my son- and remember how lucky I was, and am, to be Eric's mom.
Visiting Eric at the cemetery has helped me resume my passionate work as an author, journalist and speaker on disability parenting issues, important work he and I began. It’s work I now continue alone, fueled by Eric’s teachings and regular cemetery visits.
As I survey gravesites well tended and those rarely visited, I think Hollywood may have done a great disservice to many grieving souls by promoting cemeteries as places of fear and horror. Today, I know that cemeteries are instead peaceful places of healing and great beauty, and the Cemetery Gang understands far better than most that I didn’t bury a 'disabled' child whose value was too often questioned by society. I buried my beloved son.
In the neighborhood cemetery, everybody’s equal.
JudyWinter.com
Author:
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Ashley is Much More than a "Pillow Angel"
Every so often, a story breaks in the press that commands both the world's attention, and its prompt response. Such is the case with the story that broke this week about Ashley, the nine-year-old girl with special needs whose parents chose to have surgery to stunt her growth. Like many tough-life stories about children and parenting, this one tugs at our heart strings, while seemingly dividing us into solid camps of for or against the actions of Ashley's parents.
But there is much gray area that remains to discuss.
While this story has been played out in the press as an ethics issue, it's so much more. Ashley's story represents a human-rights struggle of grave importance, one with the potential to generate invaluable discussions about the never-ending demands of special needs parenting. Regardless of where you stand on the issue of right and wrong, the issue of disability raised by this one story (and there are many that go untold) deserves more thorough discussion.
My hope is that the media, as well as all those so quick to judge the actions of Ashley's parents, will instead take a deep breath, then add their thoughtful, passionate voices to increasingly balanced discussions that will help us create real change for this population, and their families.
If there is one point that this story has driven home, it is that for all of our apparent gains, when it comes to special needs, we are still in the dark ages.
There is no clear-cut, simplistic response to this story, and those trying to make it into one only add more fuel to the story's confusion and public outrage. That will do little to serve the best interests of Ashley, or that of others facing similar struggles. This is ultimately a story about a young girl's life, and the right to be part of what happens to her.
Briefly, here are some of the most pressing issues that I believe this story demands we discuss more fully.
First, while ethics is an important part of this complex discussion, it should not be the defining one (nor the primary topic/guest on talk shows). We need to include the voices of those who live with the day-to-day demands that this story brings to light. We should also include individuals who are living with a disability so we can make more educated decisions. This topic deserves that kind of coverage.
The reach of special needs is huge; 54 million Americans, and more than 600 million people worldwide, have disabilities. Special needs reaches across all socio-economic and cultural borders. We must stop ignoring this timely discussion and instead, do a better job of addressing and resolving the complex issues it creates. We need to reduce the number of images involving self-pity and self-deprecation.
We need to include the achievements of those with special needs in our history books and classroom discussions.
Also, we cannot continue to ignore the lack of adequate resources, services and respite care provided to the families who care for their children at home. Many families are breaking under the weight of their demands. We cannot continue to pretend that their struggles don't impact us. Special needs can happen to anyone at anytime, thrusting once typical families into unchartered territory for which they, and society, are ill prepared to handle. That's a sobering thought.
There is no clear-cut, definitive road map for the challenging journey of special needs parenting. It often does take a village...and the village, and our nation, need to step up.
I parented a child with cerebral palsy for nearly thirteen years. Eric had limited speech and motor skills and was fed through a g-tube, just like Ashley. I know about the issues raised by impending puberty and the demands faced by lifting your child every day. My back still bears the results of that tough responsibility, four years after my son's death.
Still, my husband and I agree that we could never had made a decision to intervene in our child's development in a way as dramatic as that chosen by Ashley's parents. We were always too busy focusing on maximizing our child's potential, not on changing the essence of who he was as a human being. Our choices, while rarely easy, focused on what would best serve our son's wishes, even as we fantasized about tropical vacations far away...
While there were no firm promises early on about what Eric's future development and life would become, other than dismal, we never allowed disability to define our child's value. It took years for the results of some of our commitment to be fully recognized, but ultimately we were rewarded for our steadfast parenting focus.
It took lots of time, patience and hard work. The work was at times exhausting, but when our son achieved even the smallest, most unexpected success, the rewards were exhilirating.
Like many children fed through a g-tube and lacking in mobility, we knew that our son would probably never have reached the height and weight of other typically developing children, making the weight issue a bit of a mute point for us. Perhaps that would have been the case for Ashley, too.
The fact is that the future of many children with special needs may still be up for grabs, and the outcomes may be determined by the choices that we as parents and professionals make every day to help them thrive and grow and lead increasingly productive, fulfilling and independent lives. Our decisions can last a lifetime.
Should we have the right to make decisions that cut a child's full potential short so early in their lives, or at all?
Today, many kids with special needs are still written off far too early in their development. On the flip side, I've met many others given every opportunity to thrive. The difference can be remarkable. All the successful individuals with special needs that I have interviewed during the past fifteen years credited a parent's love and positive choices for their 'unexpected' life success-- and for believing in them when all around them saw only a 'disabled" child.
Brighter futures begin with greater awareness of a person's intrinsic value, lots of love, valuable resources and services, pit-bull parental advocacy, and a mindset focused on what's possible for that child, regardless of a disability. Not every child will achieve the dream of full independence or reach those all-important, age-appropriate milestones, but don't they deserve the chance to try, especially while they are still so young?
We need to provide families and society with greater examples of those with special needs who are productive, independent, contributing citizens. We need to redefine family, and provide these families with the critical support they need to handle their challenging roles well. The lack of positive parenting examples for families helps create a sense of hopelessness that too often results in limited, self-fulfilling prophecies for their children.
I don't always agree with the decisions made by parents, including this one, but I do respect their right to seek out decisions they believe are in the best interests of their children. What disturbs me greatly here is the complexity of a decision that raises serious issues about the value and rights of those with special needs. It reminds me of the experiments that were conducted in secret on children with cerebral palsy in institutions years ago.
They, too, had no voice. We cannot allow the ignorance of the past to define the futures of our children. We have traveled too far.
I can't help but ask if the physicans in this case gave the family an opportunity to talk with parents of children with similar challenges who were handling their child's needs without such drastic intervention? I am concerned by some of the arguments attributed to the professionals involved stating that the parents' actions did not hurt their child. Today, too many professionals still foster stereotypes about children with special needs, while armed with dismal statistics and powerful, stinging words that may take away the kind of hope families need to help them create better futures for their children.
There is still a critical need for the press and public to stop using language that fosters the view of this population as less valued. That includes the use of outdated terminology that reinforces stereotypes. Words like severely disabled, handicapped, crippled, 'suffering from', brain dead and 'confined to a wheelchair' do nothing to raise the image of the value of those with disabilities. The fact is that we can still tell the stories accurately and fairly by using more up-to-date terminology.
One of my biggest arguments with the coverage of this story thus far, is that Ashley's name is often not even mentioned until far into the print or broadcast coverage. We need to focus on the fact that this girl is a human being first and foremost, not just a nameless child with a disability that we can easily disregard. That means using people-first language, always.
While there are many things about this story that concern me, I believe that we have been given an important, long-overdue opportunity as a society to address this population with the respect it deserves.
Ashley deserves at least that much from us, as do all the other children counting on us to best serve their interests and needs, not only our own. After reading their blog, I do believe that Ashley's parents made their decisions out of deep love for their child. But I can't help but wonder if those choices might have been made differently with access to more positive resources, additional dynamic parenting examples, further discussion about Ashley's future potential, and with the benefit of time. We will never know.
We cannot undo what has been done to Ashley, but we can and must remember one important fact: Ashley is much more than just a pillow angel. She is a living, breathing human being.
As a society, how long will we continue to ignore or gloss over that fact?
JudyWinter.com
Author:
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
To learn more about Ashley, this story, and what is now called "The Ashley Treatment" visit the parents' blog: http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/
But there is much gray area that remains to discuss.
While this story has been played out in the press as an ethics issue, it's so much more. Ashley's story represents a human-rights struggle of grave importance, one with the potential to generate invaluable discussions about the never-ending demands of special needs parenting. Regardless of where you stand on the issue of right and wrong, the issue of disability raised by this one story (and there are many that go untold) deserves more thorough discussion.
My hope is that the media, as well as all those so quick to judge the actions of Ashley's parents, will instead take a deep breath, then add their thoughtful, passionate voices to increasingly balanced discussions that will help us create real change for this population, and their families.
If there is one point that this story has driven home, it is that for all of our apparent gains, when it comes to special needs, we are still in the dark ages.
There is no clear-cut, simplistic response to this story, and those trying to make it into one only add more fuel to the story's confusion and public outrage. That will do little to serve the best interests of Ashley, or that of others facing similar struggles. This is ultimately a story about a young girl's life, and the right to be part of what happens to her.
Briefly, here are some of the most pressing issues that I believe this story demands we discuss more fully.
First, while ethics is an important part of this complex discussion, it should not be the defining one (nor the primary topic/guest on talk shows). We need to include the voices of those who live with the day-to-day demands that this story brings to light. We should also include individuals who are living with a disability so we can make more educated decisions. This topic deserves that kind of coverage.
The reach of special needs is huge; 54 million Americans, and more than 600 million people worldwide, have disabilities. Special needs reaches across all socio-economic and cultural borders. We must stop ignoring this timely discussion and instead, do a better job of addressing and resolving the complex issues it creates. We need to reduce the number of images involving self-pity and self-deprecation.
We need to include the achievements of those with special needs in our history books and classroom discussions.
Also, we cannot continue to ignore the lack of adequate resources, services and respite care provided to the families who care for their children at home. Many families are breaking under the weight of their demands. We cannot continue to pretend that their struggles don't impact us. Special needs can happen to anyone at anytime, thrusting once typical families into unchartered territory for which they, and society, are ill prepared to handle. That's a sobering thought.
There is no clear-cut, definitive road map for the challenging journey of special needs parenting. It often does take a village...and the village, and our nation, need to step up.
I parented a child with cerebral palsy for nearly thirteen years. Eric had limited speech and motor skills and was fed through a g-tube, just like Ashley. I know about the issues raised by impending puberty and the demands faced by lifting your child every day. My back still bears the results of that tough responsibility, four years after my son's death.
Still, my husband and I agree that we could never had made a decision to intervene in our child's development in a way as dramatic as that chosen by Ashley's parents. We were always too busy focusing on maximizing our child's potential, not on changing the essence of who he was as a human being. Our choices, while rarely easy, focused on what would best serve our son's wishes, even as we fantasized about tropical vacations far away...
While there were no firm promises early on about what Eric's future development and life would become, other than dismal, we never allowed disability to define our child's value. It took years for the results of some of our commitment to be fully recognized, but ultimately we were rewarded for our steadfast parenting focus.
It took lots of time, patience and hard work. The work was at times exhausting, but when our son achieved even the smallest, most unexpected success, the rewards were exhilirating.
Like many children fed through a g-tube and lacking in mobility, we knew that our son would probably never have reached the height and weight of other typically developing children, making the weight issue a bit of a mute point for us. Perhaps that would have been the case for Ashley, too.
The fact is that the future of many children with special needs may still be up for grabs, and the outcomes may be determined by the choices that we as parents and professionals make every day to help them thrive and grow and lead increasingly productive, fulfilling and independent lives. Our decisions can last a lifetime.
Should we have the right to make decisions that cut a child's full potential short so early in their lives, or at all?
Today, many kids with special needs are still written off far too early in their development. On the flip side, I've met many others given every opportunity to thrive. The difference can be remarkable. All the successful individuals with special needs that I have interviewed during the past fifteen years credited a parent's love and positive choices for their 'unexpected' life success-- and for believing in them when all around them saw only a 'disabled" child.
Brighter futures begin with greater awareness of a person's intrinsic value, lots of love, valuable resources and services, pit-bull parental advocacy, and a mindset focused on what's possible for that child, regardless of a disability. Not every child will achieve the dream of full independence or reach those all-important, age-appropriate milestones, but don't they deserve the chance to try, especially while they are still so young?
We need to provide families and society with greater examples of those with special needs who are productive, independent, contributing citizens. We need to redefine family, and provide these families with the critical support they need to handle their challenging roles well. The lack of positive parenting examples for families helps create a sense of hopelessness that too often results in limited, self-fulfilling prophecies for their children.
I don't always agree with the decisions made by parents, including this one, but I do respect their right to seek out decisions they believe are in the best interests of their children. What disturbs me greatly here is the complexity of a decision that raises serious issues about the value and rights of those with special needs. It reminds me of the experiments that were conducted in secret on children with cerebral palsy in institutions years ago.
They, too, had no voice. We cannot allow the ignorance of the past to define the futures of our children. We have traveled too far.
I can't help but ask if the physicans in this case gave the family an opportunity to talk with parents of children with similar challenges who were handling their child's needs without such drastic intervention? I am concerned by some of the arguments attributed to the professionals involved stating that the parents' actions did not hurt their child. Today, too many professionals still foster stereotypes about children with special needs, while armed with dismal statistics and powerful, stinging words that may take away the kind of hope families need to help them create better futures for their children.
There is still a critical need for the press and public to stop using language that fosters the view of this population as less valued. That includes the use of outdated terminology that reinforces stereotypes. Words like severely disabled, handicapped, crippled, 'suffering from', brain dead and 'confined to a wheelchair' do nothing to raise the image of the value of those with disabilities. The fact is that we can still tell the stories accurately and fairly by using more up-to-date terminology.
One of my biggest arguments with the coverage of this story thus far, is that Ashley's name is often not even mentioned until far into the print or broadcast coverage. We need to focus on the fact that this girl is a human being first and foremost, not just a nameless child with a disability that we can easily disregard. That means using people-first language, always.
While there are many things about this story that concern me, I believe that we have been given an important, long-overdue opportunity as a society to address this population with the respect it deserves.
Ashley deserves at least that much from us, as do all the other children counting on us to best serve their interests and needs, not only our own. After reading their blog, I do believe that Ashley's parents made their decisions out of deep love for their child. But I can't help but wonder if those choices might have been made differently with access to more positive resources, additional dynamic parenting examples, further discussion about Ashley's future potential, and with the benefit of time. We will never know.
We cannot undo what has been done to Ashley, but we can and must remember one important fact: Ashley is much more than just a pillow angel. She is a living, breathing human being.
As a society, how long will we continue to ignore or gloss over that fact?
JudyWinter.com
Author:
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations
To learn more about Ashley, this story, and what is now called "The Ashley Treatment" visit the parents' blog: http://ashleytreatment.spaces.live.com/
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Laughing at Those Pesky Little New Year's Resolutions
Those of you familiar with my work as a writer have probably already figured out that I'm big on adding a humorous take to even the most infuriating and exhausting life challenges. My experience says that savoring regular loud guffaws, complete with a couple of loud, ugly snorts, can be a pretty useful survival tool, one that allows us to claim renewed perspective for even the toughest life events.
I believe that a hearty belly laugh, or even a good joke that makes us smile wide enough to show all of our teeth, holds the power to cure most of what ails us. In my efforts to help you end your year on a more positive, uplifting note, and keep all those 2007 resolutions that you are making (or not) into perspective, I encourage you to read the words of one of favorite columnists, and my friend, John Schneider. John's words about his own failed New Year's resolutions in today's Lansing State Journal made me laugh as I choked down my healthy bowl of oatmeal sprinkled with wheat germ and blueberries, and prepared to wave bye bye to 2006.
I hope that John's refreshing, human take on our mad pursuit of New Year's perfection rarely achieved will brighten your year-end celebrations, and put your own take on New Year's goals into clearer focus, too. Enjoy!
www.lsj.com / John Schneider, columnist/ Sunday, Dec. 31st entitled: "I'm not perfect yet, but it could happen in 2007."
You can also check out John's blog at noise.typepad.com/John_Schneider
...And be sure to come back and read mine regularly, too!
So long 2006! I'm ready for you 2007! I think....
I believe that a hearty belly laugh, or even a good joke that makes us smile wide enough to show all of our teeth, holds the power to cure most of what ails us. In my efforts to help you end your year on a more positive, uplifting note, and keep all those 2007 resolutions that you are making (or not) into perspective, I encourage you to read the words of one of favorite columnists, and my friend, John Schneider. John's words about his own failed New Year's resolutions in today's Lansing State Journal made me laugh as I choked down my healthy bowl of oatmeal sprinkled with wheat germ and blueberries, and prepared to wave bye bye to 2006.
I hope that John's refreshing, human take on our mad pursuit of New Year's perfection rarely achieved will brighten your year-end celebrations, and put your own take on New Year's goals into clearer focus, too. Enjoy!
www.lsj.com / John Schneider, columnist/ Sunday, Dec. 31st entitled: "I'm not perfect yet, but it could happen in 2007."
You can also check out John's blog at noise.typepad.com/John_Schneider
...And be sure to come back and read mine regularly, too!
So long 2006! I'm ready for you 2007! I think....
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Taking Time Out for You!
One of the toughest realities facing parents of children with special needs is the loss of treasured personal freedom.
If you are thinking about making valuable New Year's resolutions that can make a difference in your life in 2007, consider personal time away from the demands of special needs high on your list of priorities.
Remember all those carefree hours you once spent going to the latest movies, hanging out with friends or going for a beer after work? What about all that free time you once wasted reading current magazines cover to cover, or gardening, washing the car, or singing along loudly to the radio on last minute weekend adventures to the beach?
Remember when you could actually take the time to shut the bathroom door to answer nature's call?
Gone in an instant.
These once simple daily decisions have been replaced by big family commitments and limited free time. But with thoughtful planning, you can begin to regain some of that precious time away for activities that will help leave you feeling refreshed and renewed. Reclaiming personal freedom in families of children with special needs often requires creative thinking and lots of juggling, especially if your child has physical, medical or behavioral needs that make finding, and keeping, babysitters difficult.
Then there is the sticky little issue of the costs involved with special needs parenting that often strain family budgets to the max, especially when one parent has given up their income to stay home and raise the children.
Don't let these realities stop you.
While such concerns can make time away seem like a luxury you can't afford, time away from the demands of special needs parenting is crucial to your physical, mental and spiritual health. Think of it as going to the well when you are very thirsty. A solid commitment to self care can help you better face the unexpected parenting challenges that lie ahead, and even handle them more successfully.
With a brand new year just around the corner, this is a great time to add personal time back into your life. Here are just a few simple and inexpensive tips designed to help you escape the demands of special needs in 2007, if only briefly.
Feel free to add some of your own- then go take a walk!
Address and Prioritize Child-Care Needs.
Seek support from family, friends and community agencies to meet this need. Knowing that you have help in place on a regular basis is priceless and grants you the freedom to take time out just for you, free of guilt.
Read a Favorite Magazine Cover to Cover.
Try to avoid tough-life stories and hard news. The idea is to lighten your own mental load for a bit so you can return to your parenting role feeling more inspired, motivated and relaxed.
Exercise!
Take long walks, go for a run, or work out in the privacy of your home. Jump rope, take a bike ride, or dance in front of the mirror. Exercise helps relieve stress and can heighten self esteem, enhancing your ability to handle your parenting challenges more effectively and more positively. Practice deep breathing, too.
Give Your Partner a Foot Massage.
Or just cuddle together on the couch and share your fondest hopes and dreams. Ladies: paint your toenails, condition your hair, shave your legs or take a bubble bath. Use great smelling lotions and soaps that help improve your mood.
Make Time for Those Leisure Activities that Matter Most to You.
Golfers can practice their swing in their own backyard or at a nearby park. Anyone can shoot hoops in the driveway or at a local playground, community center or during open gym at the local high school. Visit the library or go out for great java at a favorite neighborhood cafe. If you enjoy taking photos, carry your camera with you. There are lots of great photo ops to be had during those daily outings.
Advertise for Help in College Newspapers that Attract Students Majoring in Education or Health Careers who are Eager for On-the-Job Experience.
Once you have quality childcare in place, commit to a regular date night and make it a priority. Nurturing your relationship with your significant other can make a big difference in how you handle your special needs challenges, while also enhancing and further solidifying parenting teamwork.
Laugh!
Watch funny movies, tell funny jokes, ready funny stories, even laugh at the absurdity of your own parenting demands. Laughter is healing and a great stress release. And it's one terrific, and free, coping tool on the toughest days.
Journal.
Having a child with special needs produces a wide range of powerful emotions that need a healthy, safe release. Journaling helps us express strong feelings without fear of judgment or harm.
Nuture Your Faith.
Find solace in heartfelt, honest prayer. Whatever your beliefs, there is solace and comfort to be found in spiritual practices, especially during the most difficult days.
Visit Museums, Cathedrals and Synagogues.
The beauty of these places can feed your spiritual side, and your soul, leaving you refreshed and reconnnected with something larger than yourself.
Sit and Do Nothing.
Meditate or light a favorite candle. Quiet time is rare in families of children with special needs, and the addition of it to our hectic daily lives can prove healing, soothing and relaxing. When we are quiet, it is easier to hear our own voice, and as a result, become clearer on the parenting choices we need to make now.
Take a Nap!
Many parents of children with special needs often walk around sleep deprived. Taking a nap whenever you can to help support your body's need for additional slumber, may leave you feeling more energized and in a better frame of mind for facing your demands.
You can find more tips and resources to help you better meet the demands of parenting a child with special needs in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations.
JudyWinter.com
If you are thinking about making valuable New Year's resolutions that can make a difference in your life in 2007, consider personal time away from the demands of special needs high on your list of priorities.
Remember all those carefree hours you once spent going to the latest movies, hanging out with friends or going for a beer after work? What about all that free time you once wasted reading current magazines cover to cover, or gardening, washing the car, or singing along loudly to the radio on last minute weekend adventures to the beach?
Remember when you could actually take the time to shut the bathroom door to answer nature's call?
Gone in an instant.
These once simple daily decisions have been replaced by big family commitments and limited free time. But with thoughtful planning, you can begin to regain some of that precious time away for activities that will help leave you feeling refreshed and renewed. Reclaiming personal freedom in families of children with special needs often requires creative thinking and lots of juggling, especially if your child has physical, medical or behavioral needs that make finding, and keeping, babysitters difficult.
Then there is the sticky little issue of the costs involved with special needs parenting that often strain family budgets to the max, especially when one parent has given up their income to stay home and raise the children.
Don't let these realities stop you.
While such concerns can make time away seem like a luxury you can't afford, time away from the demands of special needs parenting is crucial to your physical, mental and spiritual health. Think of it as going to the well when you are very thirsty. A solid commitment to self care can help you better face the unexpected parenting challenges that lie ahead, and even handle them more successfully.
With a brand new year just around the corner, this is a great time to add personal time back into your life. Here are just a few simple and inexpensive tips designed to help you escape the demands of special needs in 2007, if only briefly.
Feel free to add some of your own- then go take a walk!
Address and Prioritize Child-Care Needs.
Seek support from family, friends and community agencies to meet this need. Knowing that you have help in place on a regular basis is priceless and grants you the freedom to take time out just for you, free of guilt.
Read a Favorite Magazine Cover to Cover.
Try to avoid tough-life stories and hard news. The idea is to lighten your own mental load for a bit so you can return to your parenting role feeling more inspired, motivated and relaxed.
Exercise!
Take long walks, go for a run, or work out in the privacy of your home. Jump rope, take a bike ride, or dance in front of the mirror. Exercise helps relieve stress and can heighten self esteem, enhancing your ability to handle your parenting challenges more effectively and more positively. Practice deep breathing, too.
Give Your Partner a Foot Massage.
Or just cuddle together on the couch and share your fondest hopes and dreams. Ladies: paint your toenails, condition your hair, shave your legs or take a bubble bath. Use great smelling lotions and soaps that help improve your mood.
Make Time for Those Leisure Activities that Matter Most to You.
Golfers can practice their swing in their own backyard or at a nearby park. Anyone can shoot hoops in the driveway or at a local playground, community center or during open gym at the local high school. Visit the library or go out for great java at a favorite neighborhood cafe. If you enjoy taking photos, carry your camera with you. There are lots of great photo ops to be had during those daily outings.
Advertise for Help in College Newspapers that Attract Students Majoring in Education or Health Careers who are Eager for On-the-Job Experience.
Once you have quality childcare in place, commit to a regular date night and make it a priority. Nurturing your relationship with your significant other can make a big difference in how you handle your special needs challenges, while also enhancing and further solidifying parenting teamwork.
Laugh!
Watch funny movies, tell funny jokes, ready funny stories, even laugh at the absurdity of your own parenting demands. Laughter is healing and a great stress release. And it's one terrific, and free, coping tool on the toughest days.
Journal.
Having a child with special needs produces a wide range of powerful emotions that need a healthy, safe release. Journaling helps us express strong feelings without fear of judgment or harm.
Nuture Your Faith.
Find solace in heartfelt, honest prayer. Whatever your beliefs, there is solace and comfort to be found in spiritual practices, especially during the most difficult days.
Visit Museums, Cathedrals and Synagogues.
The beauty of these places can feed your spiritual side, and your soul, leaving you refreshed and reconnnected with something larger than yourself.
Sit and Do Nothing.
Meditate or light a favorite candle. Quiet time is rare in families of children with special needs, and the addition of it to our hectic daily lives can prove healing, soothing and relaxing. When we are quiet, it is easier to hear our own voice, and as a result, become clearer on the parenting choices we need to make now.
Take a Nap!
Many parents of children with special needs often walk around sleep deprived. Taking a nap whenever you can to help support your body's need for additional slumber, may leave you feeling more energized and in a better frame of mind for facing your demands.
You can find more tips and resources to help you better meet the demands of parenting a child with special needs in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs: Raising the Bar of Expectations.
JudyWinter.com
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Movies of Note
As 2006 quickly comes to a close,and a brand new year waits in the wings teasing us with all those enticing new life adventures, I again find myself in need of some renewed inspiration for all those professional and personal challenges that I am sure to face in the Near Year.
So I've added a little mindless holiday fun into my life, seasoned with some solid inspiration for 2007, something I highly recommend for all parents.
At no time was this simple recipe for year-end renewal greater, or more necessary, than during the nearly thirteen years that I parented a child with cerebral palsy, complete with its many rewards and significant daily demands.
Because Eric's needs made every day life a bit more complicated than that of many other families, I learned early on to look for inspiration and renewal in simple ways, like that found in going to the movies (or renting a dvd on those days when getting away was nearly impossible with my son's demands). One of the things I love most about the holidays are all those great new movie releases, and the rare break in my schedule to actually indulge in my passion for them.
As a writer, speaker and advocate for those with special needs, I am particularly fond of stories that inspire or motivate us to become better human beings. I like those that champion the causes of the common man and woman. I love tales that call us to action.
I like movies that make us think, and then challenge us to act more boldly and fearlessly in our own lives. I like movies that help us believe that we, too, are part of the solution to real-world challenges, big and small. I like movies that make me feel better about the future of our world, not worse.
I cherish movies with good writing, great acting and real substance- movies that feed my brain, while also fueling my heart and soul. I like being reminded of the potential and the power that each one of us holds to change the world for the better, no matter how dire universal events appear at first glance. I like being moved to tears for all the right reasons.
I deplore senseless acts of violence and cruelty and crudeness in films that contribute little if anything to the betterment of mankind, and leave me in danger of feeling hopeless about the world's dicey course, and terribly concerned for the future of our youth. (Think lighted match in a room overflowing with spilled gasoline).
I like walking out of the movies feeling moved and empowered and responsible for my role in creating my own rich and colorful life tapestry. I appreciate knowing that my valuable time and money have been well spent. I like believing that all those people who made the movie somehow valued my intelligence and their own creative integrity. I love movies that challenge adults to do better by the world's children, especially through our critical parenting choices.
I like seeing underdogs succeed, in light of all the bad odds and the loud voices of those ever-present naysayers.
I like leaving the theater feeling ready for another year, whatever life plans to throw at me. I love believing my carefully thought out New Year's resolutions really are possible, not just pipe dreams fueled by too much holiday chocolate washed down with too many glasses of warm wine.
I like knowing that I've got yet another chance to pursue all my fondest life dreams, and a clean slate to do it on. I like thinking that I can still finish the important work that I began during this year--that my life is not over until it's over.
As I prepare for another year of trying to create greater awareness and understanding of the value and potential of those with special needs, in a society obsessed with physical perfection and celebrity, I welcome this brief and energizing seasonal break.
And sometimes, I just want to be entertained.
Here are a couple of year-end movies that worked for me.
BOBBY
I wish that everyone could see this movie. BOBBY explores a day in the lives of the people who work at or are staying in the Ambassador Hotel, on the day that Bobby Kennedy is shot. The film's power is in its simple story telling; it shares with the viewer the stories and personalities of everyday folk going about their daily lives. This human focus is made more powerful by the commitment Bobby Kennedy came to have for all those who struggle or face discrimination of any kind, something fueled by his own pain and loss and introspection after the death of his brother, President Kennedy. BOBBY reminds us that we all lost something big that day, and the world has never quite regained its just course, or its innocence.
Perhaps if enough people see this movie, that harsh reality will change, and maybe the hope and light and concern for the human condition that Bobby Kennedy shared with the world will be again be reignited. After viewing this movie, we can hope...and then we can act.
Also recommended: THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS: starring Will Smith.
Inspiring, motivating and worth the price of admission if only to see Will Smith's young son in his amazing film debut. The kid is cute as can be, and he can act. This is a great real-life story about one man championing over the toughest life odds. I especially like the message to all dads to step up and be good parents and role models for their children, especially their sons, an example sorely needed in today's world. This movie will remind you that you don't have to look far to find someone who has it tougher than you do. This happy ending will leave you cheering, and the real-life example of serious parent power at work will inspire you.
Next Up: Dreamgirls
And be sure to catch CARS now out in dvd.
Don't forget to write me and tell me what inspires you in the New Year, but no attachments please! I won't open them! If you want me to read your heartfelt words, please put your messages in the body of your email.
Happy 2007!
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
JudyWinter.com
So I've added a little mindless holiday fun into my life, seasoned with some solid inspiration for 2007, something I highly recommend for all parents.
At no time was this simple recipe for year-end renewal greater, or more necessary, than during the nearly thirteen years that I parented a child with cerebral palsy, complete with its many rewards and significant daily demands.
Because Eric's needs made every day life a bit more complicated than that of many other families, I learned early on to look for inspiration and renewal in simple ways, like that found in going to the movies (or renting a dvd on those days when getting away was nearly impossible with my son's demands). One of the things I love most about the holidays are all those great new movie releases, and the rare break in my schedule to actually indulge in my passion for them.
As a writer, speaker and advocate for those with special needs, I am particularly fond of stories that inspire or motivate us to become better human beings. I like those that champion the causes of the common man and woman. I love tales that call us to action.
I like movies that make us think, and then challenge us to act more boldly and fearlessly in our own lives. I like movies that help us believe that we, too, are part of the solution to real-world challenges, big and small. I like movies that make me feel better about the future of our world, not worse.
I cherish movies with good writing, great acting and real substance- movies that feed my brain, while also fueling my heart and soul. I like being reminded of the potential and the power that each one of us holds to change the world for the better, no matter how dire universal events appear at first glance. I like being moved to tears for all the right reasons.
I deplore senseless acts of violence and cruelty and crudeness in films that contribute little if anything to the betterment of mankind, and leave me in danger of feeling hopeless about the world's dicey course, and terribly concerned for the future of our youth. (Think lighted match in a room overflowing with spilled gasoline).
I like walking out of the movies feeling moved and empowered and responsible for my role in creating my own rich and colorful life tapestry. I appreciate knowing that my valuable time and money have been well spent. I like believing that all those people who made the movie somehow valued my intelligence and their own creative integrity. I love movies that challenge adults to do better by the world's children, especially through our critical parenting choices.
I like seeing underdogs succeed, in light of all the bad odds and the loud voices of those ever-present naysayers.
I like leaving the theater feeling ready for another year, whatever life plans to throw at me. I love believing my carefully thought out New Year's resolutions really are possible, not just pipe dreams fueled by too much holiday chocolate washed down with too many glasses of warm wine.
I like knowing that I've got yet another chance to pursue all my fondest life dreams, and a clean slate to do it on. I like thinking that I can still finish the important work that I began during this year--that my life is not over until it's over.
As I prepare for another year of trying to create greater awareness and understanding of the value and potential of those with special needs, in a society obsessed with physical perfection and celebrity, I welcome this brief and energizing seasonal break.
And sometimes, I just want to be entertained.
Here are a couple of year-end movies that worked for me.
BOBBY
I wish that everyone could see this movie. BOBBY explores a day in the lives of the people who work at or are staying in the Ambassador Hotel, on the day that Bobby Kennedy is shot. The film's power is in its simple story telling; it shares with the viewer the stories and personalities of everyday folk going about their daily lives. This human focus is made more powerful by the commitment Bobby Kennedy came to have for all those who struggle or face discrimination of any kind, something fueled by his own pain and loss and introspection after the death of his brother, President Kennedy. BOBBY reminds us that we all lost something big that day, and the world has never quite regained its just course, or its innocence.
Perhaps if enough people see this movie, that harsh reality will change, and maybe the hope and light and concern for the human condition that Bobby Kennedy shared with the world will be again be reignited. After viewing this movie, we can hope...and then we can act.
Also recommended: THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS: starring Will Smith.
Inspiring, motivating and worth the price of admission if only to see Will Smith's young son in his amazing film debut. The kid is cute as can be, and he can act. This is a great real-life story about one man championing over the toughest life odds. I especially like the message to all dads to step up and be good parents and role models for their children, especially their sons, an example sorely needed in today's world. This movie will remind you that you don't have to look far to find someone who has it tougher than you do. This happy ending will leave you cheering, and the real-life example of serious parent power at work will inspire you.
Next Up: Dreamgirls
And be sure to catch CARS now out in dvd.
Don't forget to write me and tell me what inspires you in the New Year, but no attachments please! I won't open them! If you want me to read your heartfelt words, please put your messages in the body of your email.
Happy 2007!
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
JudyWinter.com
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Gifts Money Can't Buy
It's hard to believe that Christmas Eve 2006 is one week from tomorrow.
Between now and then, the masses will descend in droves to shopping malls with too few parking spots, or attend work parties and family gatherings that test our social graces and sanity and latest diets, and take part in last-minute online shopping. All this in our determined, if sometimes frantic annual effort to uncover the perfect gift, enjoy a perfect family moment, or create a sense of holiday magic that too often will elude us.
In our rush to create holiday perfection, most will become sorely disappointed and increasingly disallusioned.
Many of us will overspend, overeat, and fly through this season taking little or no time to embrace the true meaning and spirit of this sacred season. Too few will sit silently mesmerized by the power of those tiny white lights on evergreens to charm us. Too few will stop to actually think about why those Salvation Army kettle bells are ringing outside the busy shops,or stop to ask others how they are doing with their own life challenges, then really listen to the answers.
Too few will question the magical appearance of those oversized snowflakes that often fall unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, or stop to pay tribute to those who no longer grace us with their physical presence.
Too many adults will miss the enchanting ways in which children, wise little creatures that they are, mirror the true magic of this season in their gentle faces, bold questions, and wide-eyed wonder. Children are great teachers.
Far too few of us will put down our cell phones and have a face-to-face conversation with another human being, including with those busy store clerks.
Instead, we often fly through the very life moments and spiritual practices and experiences and personal reflections that can help fuel us on to face the difficult life challenges presented us during the rest of the year. In a world overcome by high tech and bad news, this is one time of year when we have permission to slow down and be transported to a quieter, more beautiful place that can help recover from the madness of the prior year. No wonder so many of us are so exhausted.
My gift to you this holiday? Some simply words from a newspaper column I wrote a few years ago about my definition of the word holiday gift, and how having a child with special needs redefined that term for me. I share it with you today, with one week before Christmas, in the hope that during this season of wonder and retail madness, you will slow down long enough to read it, then reflect on your own priceless blessings, most of which will never be found in any store. I know.
I wish each one of you a joyful holiday season and a terrific New Year, one that again offers us all the exhilirating promises of sparkling new beginnings. I hope you make those new choices matter, and I'd love to hear all about them.
Please visit my website to find out how you can share your life experiences with me.
Happy Holidays!!!
GIFTS MONEY CAN"T BUY
"What do you want for Christmas?" my twin sister asked me.
Janice had e-mailed me from her home in Los Angeles, the land of movies stars, gold Mercedes and physical perfection, far from her deep Midwestern roots.
Before I became the mother of a child with special needs, I recited wishes easily: silver jewelry, fine cotton garments and anything from Tiffany in Beverly Hills.
But that was before I had a child with cerebral palsy, something that forever changed my definition of a gift.
My reply to Janice was vague.
"I love books and good tea and uplifting classical music," I e-mailed back. "But I really don't need anyting."
Why was her question so tough, and my answer so obvious?
I began a list that started in my head and traveled to my heart. I want more sleep, gentler circles under my eyes and increased energy for superhuman parenting demands. I want freedom to pursue my career with no personal constraints. I want more time to nurture my marriage and quality child care for all kids.
I want to make a difference in the lives of others.
My wishes quickly gathered emotional steam.
I'd love to see my son walk and tell me about his day. I wish adults would look past his wheelchair and risk inviting him to their house to play. I want Eric to ride a bike or skate through his neighborhood on a hot summer day or chase fireflies or do a human cannonball into a pool.
I want Eric to sneak out of bed early on Christmas morning and marvel over Santa's magic or swat a pesky mosquito and confidently voice his hopes and dreams, something made nearly impossible with his limited motor skills. I want him to ask me the tough questions about cerebral palsy, including "Why?"
But I already know that if these gifts never grace my life, I won't love Eric any less, or marvel more when he struggles to say, "I love you." His physical challenges have demanded that I stop long enough to savor fireball sunsets, and freed me from the commitment of Sunday morning soccer, which grants our family a sacred day of rest.
Our daughter, Jenna, was only six when our special needs adventure began. Now she towers over me, resplendent in ballerina toe shoes. Her sophisticated and heartfelt poetry puts my own poetic ramblings to shame. My first-born helped prepare me to successfully parent a child with special needs, because it was Jenna who first taught me how to love unconditionally.
I wish I could give her back all those moments stolen by the demands of having a special sibling. Yet, I would never trade the compassionate young woman she has become, embracing the skills that empower her to champion over future adversity.
My children's gifts are priceless, indeed.
In return, I wish them a more compassionate and tolerant world. Yet in this day of hate crimes, road rage, global warming and escalating war, I am not naive enough to believe this is guaranteed.
The intensity of my parenting journey has blessed me in countless ways. My faith in God has been solidly nurture and keeps me on course. I have gained valuable communication skills while advocating for needed societal change.
But I would love more precious moments with nurturing friends who remained loyal when Eric's parenting demands made reciprocation impossible. They understood, and when I returned from exhile, these incredible, talented women warmly embraced me.
Today, I still overindulge in books and fine clothing and silver jewelry, but I no longer need these things to feel complete, a gift in itself.
So I suggested my sister send me a gift card from a national bookstore where I will probably buy another special needs resource to help me better meet my daily parenting demands. My decison won't make me a poster child for the retailers, but it will make me proud of whom I have become.
Fact is, I already have enough gifts to last me every Christmas for the rest of my life. If I never again received an enticing, ribbon-draped parcel or prized blue box from Tiffany, I would still be rich beyond measure with gifts that money can't buy.
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
Between now and then, the masses will descend in droves to shopping malls with too few parking spots, or attend work parties and family gatherings that test our social graces and sanity and latest diets, and take part in last-minute online shopping. All this in our determined, if sometimes frantic annual effort to uncover the perfect gift, enjoy a perfect family moment, or create a sense of holiday magic that too often will elude us.
In our rush to create holiday perfection, most will become sorely disappointed and increasingly disallusioned.
Many of us will overspend, overeat, and fly through this season taking little or no time to embrace the true meaning and spirit of this sacred season. Too few will sit silently mesmerized by the power of those tiny white lights on evergreens to charm us. Too few will stop to actually think about why those Salvation Army kettle bells are ringing outside the busy shops,or stop to ask others how they are doing with their own life challenges, then really listen to the answers.
Too few will question the magical appearance of those oversized snowflakes that often fall unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, or stop to pay tribute to those who no longer grace us with their physical presence.
Too many adults will miss the enchanting ways in which children, wise little creatures that they are, mirror the true magic of this season in their gentle faces, bold questions, and wide-eyed wonder. Children are great teachers.
Far too few of us will put down our cell phones and have a face-to-face conversation with another human being, including with those busy store clerks.
Instead, we often fly through the very life moments and spiritual practices and experiences and personal reflections that can help fuel us on to face the difficult life challenges presented us during the rest of the year. In a world overcome by high tech and bad news, this is one time of year when we have permission to slow down and be transported to a quieter, more beautiful place that can help recover from the madness of the prior year. No wonder so many of us are so exhausted.
My gift to you this holiday? Some simply words from a newspaper column I wrote a few years ago about my definition of the word holiday gift, and how having a child with special needs redefined that term for me. I share it with you today, with one week before Christmas, in the hope that during this season of wonder and retail madness, you will slow down long enough to read it, then reflect on your own priceless blessings, most of which will never be found in any store. I know.
I wish each one of you a joyful holiday season and a terrific New Year, one that again offers us all the exhilirating promises of sparkling new beginnings. I hope you make those new choices matter, and I'd love to hear all about them.
Please visit my website to find out how you can share your life experiences with me.
Happy Holidays!!!
GIFTS MONEY CAN"T BUY
"What do you want for Christmas?" my twin sister asked me.
Janice had e-mailed me from her home in Los Angeles, the land of movies stars, gold Mercedes and physical perfection, far from her deep Midwestern roots.
Before I became the mother of a child with special needs, I recited wishes easily: silver jewelry, fine cotton garments and anything from Tiffany in Beverly Hills.
But that was before I had a child with cerebral palsy, something that forever changed my definition of a gift.
My reply to Janice was vague.
"I love books and good tea and uplifting classical music," I e-mailed back. "But I really don't need anyting."
Why was her question so tough, and my answer so obvious?
I began a list that started in my head and traveled to my heart. I want more sleep, gentler circles under my eyes and increased energy for superhuman parenting demands. I want freedom to pursue my career with no personal constraints. I want more time to nurture my marriage and quality child care for all kids.
I want to make a difference in the lives of others.
My wishes quickly gathered emotional steam.
I'd love to see my son walk and tell me about his day. I wish adults would look past his wheelchair and risk inviting him to their house to play. I want Eric to ride a bike or skate through his neighborhood on a hot summer day or chase fireflies or do a human cannonball into a pool.
I want Eric to sneak out of bed early on Christmas morning and marvel over Santa's magic or swat a pesky mosquito and confidently voice his hopes and dreams, something made nearly impossible with his limited motor skills. I want him to ask me the tough questions about cerebral palsy, including "Why?"
But I already know that if these gifts never grace my life, I won't love Eric any less, or marvel more when he struggles to say, "I love you." His physical challenges have demanded that I stop long enough to savor fireball sunsets, and freed me from the commitment of Sunday morning soccer, which grants our family a sacred day of rest.
Our daughter, Jenna, was only six when our special needs adventure began. Now she towers over me, resplendent in ballerina toe shoes. Her sophisticated and heartfelt poetry puts my own poetic ramblings to shame. My first-born helped prepare me to successfully parent a child with special needs, because it was Jenna who first taught me how to love unconditionally.
I wish I could give her back all those moments stolen by the demands of having a special sibling. Yet, I would never trade the compassionate young woman she has become, embracing the skills that empower her to champion over future adversity.
My children's gifts are priceless, indeed.
In return, I wish them a more compassionate and tolerant world. Yet in this day of hate crimes, road rage, global warming and escalating war, I am not naive enough to believe this is guaranteed.
The intensity of my parenting journey has blessed me in countless ways. My faith in God has been solidly nurture and keeps me on course. I have gained valuable communication skills while advocating for needed societal change.
But I would love more precious moments with nurturing friends who remained loyal when Eric's parenting demands made reciprocation impossible. They understood, and when I returned from exhile, these incredible, talented women warmly embraced me.
Today, I still overindulge in books and fine clothing and silver jewelry, but I no longer need these things to feel complete, a gift in itself.
So I suggested my sister send me a gift card from a national bookstore where I will probably buy another special needs resource to help me better meet my daily parenting demands. My decison won't make me a poster child for the retailers, but it will make me proud of whom I have become.
Fact is, I already have enough gifts to last me every Christmas for the rest of my life. If I never again received an enticing, ribbon-draped parcel or prized blue box from Tiffany, I would still be rich beyond measure with gifts that money can't buy.
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Remembering the Life of a Child through The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting
A quick reminder to all those who have lost a child, or to those who want to support others in such a loss, this Sunday, December 10th, is the annual Worldwide Candle Lighting started by The Compassionate Friends.
At 7 p.m. local time, candles worldwide will be lit in memory of children who have died throughout the world.
"The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees."
What began as a rememberance on a much smaller scale on the Internet in 1997 has become a worldwide movement and yearly tradition that gives families worldwide the opportunity to honor their loss, while also paying tribute to their children's lives.
For one evening, the world grieves together. There is powerful healing in the reality that on this single evening millions of flames burn brightly across the globe. For one evening, our grief is universal and understood. We do not carry our loss alone. There is comfort and solace in such numbers.
My family has taken part in this ritual for three years. We find something comforting in this peaceful, quiet act that validates our loss and helps offset the emotional reactions that loom large during some family activities and seasonal events, actions that many who have lost a child may find surfacing during the holiday season. These are powerful, tough-to-explain emotions that the masses who have escaped such tragedy rarely understand.
But on this evening, however briefly, we are allowed to sit quietly, mesmerized by a candle flame and recall fond memories of our son's life. We laugh loudly, or let healing tears fall silently. We are reminded of our son's continuing presence in our lives and in our hearts.
It is a priceless holiday gift that we give ourselves yearly, a simple act that I highly recommend.
For more information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and the important work of The Compassionate Friends, visit compassionatefriends.com.
May it grant you peace, if only for an evening.
www.JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
At 7 p.m. local time, candles worldwide will be lit in memory of children who have died throughout the world.
"The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help support organization that offers friendship, understanding, and hope to bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. There is no religious affiliation and there are no membership dues or fees."
What began as a rememberance on a much smaller scale on the Internet in 1997 has become a worldwide movement and yearly tradition that gives families worldwide the opportunity to honor their loss, while also paying tribute to their children's lives.
For one evening, the world grieves together. There is powerful healing in the reality that on this single evening millions of flames burn brightly across the globe. For one evening, our grief is universal and understood. We do not carry our loss alone. There is comfort and solace in such numbers.
My family has taken part in this ritual for three years. We find something comforting in this peaceful, quiet act that validates our loss and helps offset the emotional reactions that loom large during some family activities and seasonal events, actions that many who have lost a child may find surfacing during the holiday season. These are powerful, tough-to-explain emotions that the masses who have escaped such tragedy rarely understand.
But on this evening, however briefly, we are allowed to sit quietly, mesmerized by a candle flame and recall fond memories of our son's life. We laugh loudly, or let healing tears fall silently. We are reminded of our son's continuing presence in our lives and in our hearts.
It is a priceless holiday gift that we give ourselves yearly, a simple act that I highly recommend.
For more information on the Worldwide Candle Lighting and the important work of The Compassionate Friends, visit compassionatefriends.com.
May it grant you peace, if only for an evening.
www.JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Giving Thanks for Children with Special Needs
As we find ourselves again facing that lovely, quiet, humble little American tradition known as Thanksgiving, I now know why I love this day more than most of the noisier celebrations we honor each year. In this complex world in which we live, I love a day that has as its sole purpose the simple act of giving thanks, even as we stuff ourselves into gastric oblivion.
This holiday embraces the old-fashioned idea of being thankful for what we already have. Pausing to give thanks for the abundant blessings already in our lives, no matter how small they may seem at first glance, is an act too often overlooked in today's materialistic world. On Thanksgiving, we are free of witnessing events like those involving crazed adults fighting over overpriced games and toys, at least until the coupon clipping and shopping frenzy begin in earnest. That day-long reprieve alone is a relief and makes me happy to celebrate this gentle day.
Thanksgiving invites us to slow down for a few hours, not a bad idea, especially for those facing the daily challenges of parenting a child with special needs.
I know that it can be tough to uncover the blessings in your children's challenged lives, and in your own, especially when so much of what families hear about disability is negative and focused on a child's perceived shortcomings and apparent brokenness. Depending on where you are in this parenting journey, this day, this year, may or may not seem deserving of your thanks. All the more reason to dig deep and reflect.
This Thanksgiving, take few moments between the turkey and pie and football and family squabbles to really look at your children, to see where their strengths and gifts lie, to honor what your children bring into your life, to see how far you have come on this rocky journey. For one day, put aside your tough role as an advocate and just be your child's mom or dad, sharing hugs and kisses and board games and movies and walks and talks and quiet time together.
Give thanks for your tears.
Give thanks for what you and your child have achieved so far in life, no matter how hard-won or small the gain. Give thanks that we live in a country that is years ahead of many others when it comes to understanding the value and rights of these children. Give thanks for Internet access that has opened up the world for all of us, helping people connect worldwide and access valuable resources, while networking with other families who are also trying hard to juggle it all, just like you. There is comfort in numbers...
On this day, give thanks for the ways in which your child has made you a more responsible parent, a better human being, one who is more tolerant, less judgemental, more patient, and a better child advocate with the ability to multi task on little sleep. Be thankful that your child has taught you that it's okay to ask others for the help you need. Give thanks for your growing recognition that it is our individual differences, and those of our children, that really do make the world go round. Give thanks for all of your children.
Give thanks for the freedom to celebrate your personal faith, and all the ways in which it helps you face, survive, and even celebrate the gifts of each new day of life.
Pausing to reflect on the gifts of special needs, even when you have to search hard for them, can help give you a better handle on your challenges, giving you more energy for the challenges that lay ahead. It balances out the rough moments. Reflecting on your blessings can be a powerful motivator, helping you focus more on what's possible for your child, and on the important role that you play in that child's life success, a positive focus that may help create additional blessings in your life.
Since I try to practice what I preach, here are some blessings from my own life that I will be giving thanks for tomorrow:
-Seeing my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs published and out in the world, where it belongs, thus honoring a big promise I made to my son before his death to help other children with special needs (and their families) live better lives.
-Meeting so many wonderful families at my book signings across the country whose commitment to and love for their children with disabilities has given me great hope for the future of these children, and others still to come. I am grateful for the many blessings you have shared with me this year, including your examples of courage, love, commitment and faith toward your children. These all fuel me on....
-I am grateful that I had the honor of meeting many wonderful people this past year who recognized and supported the value of my work, including: Timothy Shriver, Felecity Huffman, Marlee Matlin, and others. It has been a year of great blessings, amazing moments, heartfelt stories, and my own healing from the loss of my much-loved son.
-I am thankful that Eric's spirit is still strong and very present in my life and in my work, and that my daughter has now successfully taken her place as a responsible young adult in the world, while continuing her three-year relationship with a wonderful, talented and spirited young man!
-Finally, the food choices at the table this time of year are simply the best!
Blessings are everywhere; we just need to take time to slow down, reflect and then honor them. Once you begin searching, the list just seems to grow...and for that balance in my life, I am incredibly grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
JudyWinter.com
This holiday embraces the old-fashioned idea of being thankful for what we already have. Pausing to give thanks for the abundant blessings already in our lives, no matter how small they may seem at first glance, is an act too often overlooked in today's materialistic world. On Thanksgiving, we are free of witnessing events like those involving crazed adults fighting over overpriced games and toys, at least until the coupon clipping and shopping frenzy begin in earnest. That day-long reprieve alone is a relief and makes me happy to celebrate this gentle day.
Thanksgiving invites us to slow down for a few hours, not a bad idea, especially for those facing the daily challenges of parenting a child with special needs.
I know that it can be tough to uncover the blessings in your children's challenged lives, and in your own, especially when so much of what families hear about disability is negative and focused on a child's perceived shortcomings and apparent brokenness. Depending on where you are in this parenting journey, this day, this year, may or may not seem deserving of your thanks. All the more reason to dig deep and reflect.
This Thanksgiving, take few moments between the turkey and pie and football and family squabbles to really look at your children, to see where their strengths and gifts lie, to honor what your children bring into your life, to see how far you have come on this rocky journey. For one day, put aside your tough role as an advocate and just be your child's mom or dad, sharing hugs and kisses and board games and movies and walks and talks and quiet time together.
Give thanks for your tears.
Give thanks for what you and your child have achieved so far in life, no matter how hard-won or small the gain. Give thanks that we live in a country that is years ahead of many others when it comes to understanding the value and rights of these children. Give thanks for Internet access that has opened up the world for all of us, helping people connect worldwide and access valuable resources, while networking with other families who are also trying hard to juggle it all, just like you. There is comfort in numbers...
On this day, give thanks for the ways in which your child has made you a more responsible parent, a better human being, one who is more tolerant, less judgemental, more patient, and a better child advocate with the ability to multi task on little sleep. Be thankful that your child has taught you that it's okay to ask others for the help you need. Give thanks for your growing recognition that it is our individual differences, and those of our children, that really do make the world go round. Give thanks for all of your children.
Give thanks for the freedom to celebrate your personal faith, and all the ways in which it helps you face, survive, and even celebrate the gifts of each new day of life.
Pausing to reflect on the gifts of special needs, even when you have to search hard for them, can help give you a better handle on your challenges, giving you more energy for the challenges that lay ahead. It balances out the rough moments. Reflecting on your blessings can be a powerful motivator, helping you focus more on what's possible for your child, and on the important role that you play in that child's life success, a positive focus that may help create additional blessings in your life.
Since I try to practice what I preach, here are some blessings from my own life that I will be giving thanks for tomorrow:
-Seeing my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs published and out in the world, where it belongs, thus honoring a big promise I made to my son before his death to help other children with special needs (and their families) live better lives.
-Meeting so many wonderful families at my book signings across the country whose commitment to and love for their children with disabilities has given me great hope for the future of these children, and others still to come. I am grateful for the many blessings you have shared with me this year, including your examples of courage, love, commitment and faith toward your children. These all fuel me on....
-I am grateful that I had the honor of meeting many wonderful people this past year who recognized and supported the value of my work, including: Timothy Shriver, Felecity Huffman, Marlee Matlin, and others. It has been a year of great blessings, amazing moments, heartfelt stories, and my own healing from the loss of my much-loved son.
-I am thankful that Eric's spirit is still strong and very present in my life and in my work, and that my daughter has now successfully taken her place as a responsible young adult in the world, while continuing her three-year relationship with a wonderful, talented and spirited young man!
-Finally, the food choices at the table this time of year are simply the best!
Blessings are everywhere; we just need to take time to slow down, reflect and then honor them. Once you begin searching, the list just seems to grow...and for that balance in my life, I am incredibly grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
JudyWinter.com
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Chicago is My Kind of Town
I'm blogging this from Chicago, one of my all-time favorite cities. This big-city jewel has a intoxicating energy that always leaves me eager to return. If I go too long without a visit to Oprah town, I find myself on edge, the writer in me screaming for a much-needed fix of cosmopolitan inspiration. The captivating blend of great shopping, deep dish pizza, and the sight of the Chicago Tribune Tower always energizes me. I am a reporter at heart.
My son, Eric, also loved this accessible city, which only adds to its charm for me. I still remember the huge grin on his face as he surveyed the giant skyscrapers from his wheelchair for the first time. My son was clearly mesmerized by the sight of it all, much as I was the first time I visited a big city.
Today, those memories remind me of why we placed such a huge focus on the importance of putting leisure time activities, including vacation and travel, back into our lives after our son's birth. While those adventures took careful and thoughtful planning because of Eric's special needs and wheelchair use, they always left us feeling as if our family was no different from any other, if only for a little while. Creating those memories were worth every ounce of effort they required.
On our trips to Chicago, Eric's wheelchair always came in handy. We would load it down with Miracle Mile purchases carefully selected with the help of my fashionista daughter, Jenna, now twenty two and living on her own. My son's solid sense of style closely mirrored his sister's and every selection of apparel was carefully made. Remarkably, this hip brother and sister retail team always agreed on the choices made.
During such outings, the intensity of the special sibling bond and deep, heartfelt connection that I observed always brought me such joy, as do the memories of them now.
On this return trip, I feel Eric's spirit with me strongly as I rewalk those steps alone, savoring the memories of shopping adventures I enjoyed with both of my children by my side...Today, I am both a grieving mother longing for another life adventure with my son, and a proud mama working hard to come to terms with empty nest now that my daughter has successfully claimed her place as an adult in this world. As a parent, I have been twice blessed.
Now I must work to reclaim my sense of self and uncover a new place in the world, one no longer defined by years of daily parenting demands. I am rediscovering who I am as a woman. My new path is proving both unnerving and exhilirating.
As a child, the little gypsy in me dreamed of running off to the big city, especially the literary capital of New York, to claim my fame and fortune penning literary insights that got me noticed. But I traded in that little child's dream and chose instead to raise my family while living in the more predictable, supposedly safer surroundings of surburbia, complete with white picket fencing. My priorities had changed.
Today, my life demands have changed dramatically, leaving me free to travel more easily. It is one blessing of my new, more independent life as an author.
Now I travel as often as I can. Chi town is one city that keeps me returning often with it lure of big city living and my appreciation of Midwestern hospitality and the warmth of its people. And my writing goals today are less ego centered and more focused on helping improve the lives of others.
Fact is, Chicago is a big city with a great small town heart.
All that and Oprah, too.... I'll be back again soon.
Where will your next adventure take you?
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
My son, Eric, also loved this accessible city, which only adds to its charm for me. I still remember the huge grin on his face as he surveyed the giant skyscrapers from his wheelchair for the first time. My son was clearly mesmerized by the sight of it all, much as I was the first time I visited a big city.
Today, those memories remind me of why we placed such a huge focus on the importance of putting leisure time activities, including vacation and travel, back into our lives after our son's birth. While those adventures took careful and thoughtful planning because of Eric's special needs and wheelchair use, they always left us feeling as if our family was no different from any other, if only for a little while. Creating those memories were worth every ounce of effort they required.
On our trips to Chicago, Eric's wheelchair always came in handy. We would load it down with Miracle Mile purchases carefully selected with the help of my fashionista daughter, Jenna, now twenty two and living on her own. My son's solid sense of style closely mirrored his sister's and every selection of apparel was carefully made. Remarkably, this hip brother and sister retail team always agreed on the choices made.
During such outings, the intensity of the special sibling bond and deep, heartfelt connection that I observed always brought me such joy, as do the memories of them now.
On this return trip, I feel Eric's spirit with me strongly as I rewalk those steps alone, savoring the memories of shopping adventures I enjoyed with both of my children by my side...Today, I am both a grieving mother longing for another life adventure with my son, and a proud mama working hard to come to terms with empty nest now that my daughter has successfully claimed her place as an adult in this world. As a parent, I have been twice blessed.
Now I must work to reclaim my sense of self and uncover a new place in the world, one no longer defined by years of daily parenting demands. I am rediscovering who I am as a woman. My new path is proving both unnerving and exhilirating.
As a child, the little gypsy in me dreamed of running off to the big city, especially the literary capital of New York, to claim my fame and fortune penning literary insights that got me noticed. But I traded in that little child's dream and chose instead to raise my family while living in the more predictable, supposedly safer surroundings of surburbia, complete with white picket fencing. My priorities had changed.
Today, my life demands have changed dramatically, leaving me free to travel more easily. It is one blessing of my new, more independent life as an author.
Now I travel as often as I can. Chi town is one city that keeps me returning often with it lure of big city living and my appreciation of Midwestern hospitality and the warmth of its people. And my writing goals today are less ego centered and more focused on helping improve the lives of others.
Fact is, Chicago is a big city with a great small town heart.
All that and Oprah, too.... I'll be back again soon.
Where will your next adventure take you?
JudyWinter.com
Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Educate Yourself!
While speaking about my book in front of another large group of parents and professionals a couple of weeks ago, I was again reminded of the importance of telling parents the power of these two little words: EDUCATE YOURSELF!
Wherever I go, one or more parents always expresses their frustration over how to get their children the services and resources they need through the Individualized Education Program Team meeting (IEPT). Yet, when I ask if they have educated themselves about the law and their children's rights before going into the meeting many stare at me as if I've lost my mind. Far too many parents think that it is someone else's job to educate them during this exchange, and that professionals will do it with a huge, kind-hearted grin while sharing all the valuable educational goodies in their possession. Wrong.
It is your job to do your homework before you ever set foot in that room. Not knowing the terms of the game leaves your at a great disadvantage, and your child's future at risk. How can you expect to create an effective IEP when you don't understand the terms of that meeting? Not doing your homework keeps you from advocating effectively, and ultimately, hurts your child. No one has as much to gain from preparing well for this meeting as do you and your child.
Navigating the educational system, especially as it relates to the Individualized Education Program Team Meetings (IEPT) is not for the fainthearted. That means you had better be prepared BEFORE you enter that room. If you expect the school to tell you (and generously offer) everything that your child is entitled to (think of it as a gambler showing all their cards in a big stakes poker game), you will be seriously disappointed.
The reality is that school districts are dealing with serious budget concerns that are increasing yearly and they are working overtime to figure out how to balance those huge deficits. These problems aren't going away- and while it is not your responsibility to carry their budget concerns on your back, it does make it even more important that you educate yourself to get your child what they are entitled to by law.
(Note to Professionals: While I respect the big budgetary challenges facing you in today's world, please do not to place the burden of your budget needs on the families who are working hard to get their children the services to which they are entitled by law. Your anger/frustration about this issue is often missplaced. You should be directing your concerns to the governmental/educational agencies and politicians that have placed your districts in this position, and denied you the resources you need to meet the legal/educational rights of these and other children (parents can do this, too). Balancing your district's budget is not the job of the parent. Most already have more than their share of responsiblity on their plates and many are struggling under the weight of it all. It is a demanding role that parents cannot walk away from).
Never forget that knowledge is power. No where is this more evident that in an IEPT meeting. The reality is that parents are their child's best advocate, and that effective advocacy requires that you take time to prepare well for meetings and appointments. If you leave it someone else, your child loses.
Now take a deep breath- and go prepare well. Your actions will make you an Increasingly Empowered Parent (My new definition of the IEP). See the difference?
To help you do your homework, here's one great, family-friendly resource to help you better understand the law as it impacts children with special needs. www.wrightslaw.org.
You can get a lot more great resources and lots of IEP info/tips in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs.
You do have my book, right?.
www.JudyWinter.com
Wherever I go, one or more parents always expresses their frustration over how to get their children the services and resources they need through the Individualized Education Program Team meeting (IEPT). Yet, when I ask if they have educated themselves about the law and their children's rights before going into the meeting many stare at me as if I've lost my mind. Far too many parents think that it is someone else's job to educate them during this exchange, and that professionals will do it with a huge, kind-hearted grin while sharing all the valuable educational goodies in their possession. Wrong.
It is your job to do your homework before you ever set foot in that room. Not knowing the terms of the game leaves your at a great disadvantage, and your child's future at risk. How can you expect to create an effective IEP when you don't understand the terms of that meeting? Not doing your homework keeps you from advocating effectively, and ultimately, hurts your child. No one has as much to gain from preparing well for this meeting as do you and your child.
Navigating the educational system, especially as it relates to the Individualized Education Program Team Meetings (IEPT) is not for the fainthearted. That means you had better be prepared BEFORE you enter that room. If you expect the school to tell you (and generously offer) everything that your child is entitled to (think of it as a gambler showing all their cards in a big stakes poker game), you will be seriously disappointed.
The reality is that school districts are dealing with serious budget concerns that are increasing yearly and they are working overtime to figure out how to balance those huge deficits. These problems aren't going away- and while it is not your responsibility to carry their budget concerns on your back, it does make it even more important that you educate yourself to get your child what they are entitled to by law.
(Note to Professionals: While I respect the big budgetary challenges facing you in today's world, please do not to place the burden of your budget needs on the families who are working hard to get their children the services to which they are entitled by law. Your anger/frustration about this issue is often missplaced. You should be directing your concerns to the governmental/educational agencies and politicians that have placed your districts in this position, and denied you the resources you need to meet the legal/educational rights of these and other children (parents can do this, too). Balancing your district's budget is not the job of the parent. Most already have more than their share of responsiblity on their plates and many are struggling under the weight of it all. It is a demanding role that parents cannot walk away from).
Never forget that knowledge is power. No where is this more evident that in an IEPT meeting. The reality is that parents are their child's best advocate, and that effective advocacy requires that you take time to prepare well for meetings and appointments. If you leave it someone else, your child loses.
Now take a deep breath- and go prepare well. Your actions will make you an Increasingly Empowered Parent (My new definition of the IEP). See the difference?
To help you do your homework, here's one great, family-friendly resource to help you better understand the law as it impacts children with special needs. www.wrightslaw.org.
You can get a lot more great resources and lots of IEP info/tips in my book Breakthrough Parenting for Children with Special Needs.
You do have my book, right?.
www.JudyWinter.com
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
I LOVE Little People. Big World.
With the exception of Dancing with the Stars, I admit I've grown a tad weary of whole reality series phenomenon that threatens to fry my brain and steal my hope for the world's future. But then I stumbled acrossed Little People. Big World. on The Learning Channel, and now I'm back on the reality board.
I love this show! I love this family! I love their parenting style and commitment to family. I love their imperfections! And I love the Learning Channel for putting it in our living rooms!
Kudos TLC! The show is informative, entertaining and family friendly (no V Chip needed here!). This show is all about parents working hard to be parents, not their kid's best friends. These parents are real and human, committed to teaching their kids the important stuff like manners, civility and a hard-work ethic, in light of having some extra personal challenges.
Briefly, here's the gist of the program. Two parents, Matt & Amy Roloff, are both short statured, (for more on dwarfism and the current acceptable terminology, check out www.lpa.online.org). They are raising 4 children, one of whom, 16-year-old twin Zach, is also short statured. The program follows the daily lives of the family as they work their farm (Roloff Farms) and try to raise all the kids to be the best they can be, while also facing the physical and societal challenges presented them by dwarfism.
Disabilty advocacy never seemed so effortless or more powerful or more fun. The Roloff family will leave you cheering!
These parents spend real quality time with their family for all the right reasons, while educating the rest of us about ability. And that gutsy mom, Amy, is one wise soul with an infectious enthusiasm for life that jumps right out of the television screen right into your living room. My mom hat is off to you, Ms. Roloff! You are one charming woman...
If you haven't yet discovered this family and programming gem, do yourself a favor --tune out the television wasteland choices and tune in to TLC Friday nights at 8 p.m EST. But be warned. The show is addicting. But it's a healthy addiction, and I can almost guarantee that you'll feel better about daily life and redefining disability after spending some time with the Roloff family.
Little People. Big World. is a giant of a family show with great heart. I like knowing what's going on in the lives of this incredible family.
Now I gotta watch the last episode I taped...
Check it out!
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lpbw/lpbw.html?clik=tlc_leftnav
I love this show! I love this family! I love their parenting style and commitment to family. I love their imperfections! And I love the Learning Channel for putting it in our living rooms!
Kudos TLC! The show is informative, entertaining and family friendly (no V Chip needed here!). This show is all about parents working hard to be parents, not their kid's best friends. These parents are real and human, committed to teaching their kids the important stuff like manners, civility and a hard-work ethic, in light of having some extra personal challenges.
Briefly, here's the gist of the program. Two parents, Matt & Amy Roloff, are both short statured, (for more on dwarfism and the current acceptable terminology, check out www.lpa.online.org). They are raising 4 children, one of whom, 16-year-old twin Zach, is also short statured. The program follows the daily lives of the family as they work their farm (Roloff Farms) and try to raise all the kids to be the best they can be, while also facing the physical and societal challenges presented them by dwarfism.
Disabilty advocacy never seemed so effortless or more powerful or more fun. The Roloff family will leave you cheering!
These parents spend real quality time with their family for all the right reasons, while educating the rest of us about ability. And that gutsy mom, Amy, is one wise soul with an infectious enthusiasm for life that jumps right out of the television screen right into your living room. My mom hat is off to you, Ms. Roloff! You are one charming woman...
If you haven't yet discovered this family and programming gem, do yourself a favor --tune out the television wasteland choices and tune in to TLC Friday nights at 8 p.m EST. But be warned. The show is addicting. But it's a healthy addiction, and I can almost guarantee that you'll feel better about daily life and redefining disability after spending some time with the Roloff family.
Little People. Big World. is a giant of a family show with great heart. I like knowing what's going on in the lives of this incredible family.
Now I gotta watch the last episode I taped...
Check it out!
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lpbw/lpbw.html?clik=tlc_leftnav
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